Studying

I hate it. I absolutely hate it. With a passion. I'm not exaggerating.

I am not a good studier. I don't know how to do it on my own. I get distracted. I can't keep the information in my brain. I try to repeat things back to myself; it just doesn't work. I try writing things out. It still doesn't work. The only time I actually do well on a test is when I study with someone. Usually this process consists of a good friend having enough patience to re-teach me the concepts and then quizzing me on them.

I'm in an intro to advertising class. I swear, this stupid intro class is harder than all my 300 and 400 level classes. There's a test every week. This week we have two. The first test I took I got a D on. Yes, a D. I hardly studied. The second test I got a B only because a good friend who is also in the class took the time to re-teach me the material and quiz me. The third test I actually got an A, go figure. Same procedure as the second one. The fourth one I had to study on my own because Naomi and I couldn't find time to study together. C. What the heck? I even tried hard that time. I'm taking another one today, and again Naomi and I couldn't get our schedules to match up. Good luck to me...not likely I'll do better than a C and I don't have the patience to even study as long as I did last time.

I hate studying. Stupid facts tests...multiple choice tests that you cram the info in your brain long enough to spew it out in 15 minutes in the stupid testing center, and then you forget it all the second you walk out. I really prefer projects, hands on REAL LIFE situations, papers, and presentations. I learn SO MUCH MORE.

When I'm a professor I'm putting my foot down on tests. I'm saying no. And if I have to give them...they're going to be comprehensive, and I'll actually take time to write them, and then I'll go over them with the students and figure out what they've struggled with and allow them to get some credit back when they figure it out. Isn't school about learning? I think teachers should help students learn. I don't care that this is college. Learning is supposed to be taking place. I'm not learning in this class. I will be a professor one day, and I will teach my students. They will learn, and they'll enjoy it. It's possible. I've seen it in action.

Friendship

Can friends last forever?

Honestly. Can they? Really and truly, can friendships remain forever strong through thick and thin? How long do you have to be friends with a person before it's such a strong bond that you know it will last forever? Does the friendship have to go through a lot of history before it can be strong? Or does time have nothing to do with it...it's more the information shared and trust given?

I have so many good friends. Yet, I have so many who are no longer in my life...and I just wonder...what makes someone a life-long friend? Or, a forever friend? What are friends for? Why have friends?

Enlighten me people.

BYU-Idaho

For the past couple of months I've written in another outlet, hence the lack of blog posts. I've slowed down in the other outlet lately, hence all the recent blog posts.

Can I just say I LOVE BYU-Idaho? I LOVE BYU-Idaho.



I love the campus, I love the buildings, I love the teachers, I love the classes, I love the activities, I love the feeling, I love the Spirit.

The Spori building is my favorite.



It's not only the coolest looking building, but it hosts the coolest classes and equipment. The Spori is the Communication building. It's where I live. Prior to my mission I was an English major and never set foot in the Spori. My building back then was the Smith. The Smith doesn't even come close to the Spori. The Spori feels like home. It's cozy and happy and welcoming. The teachers are amazing...for the most part. :)

I've already talked about one of my teachers in the past, so today I'll mention another. Brother Bennett. This is my second semester taking one of his classes. Last semester I took an advanced writing class from him. While in the class I wrote about some very personal things...my experience with death and my OCD. Needless to say, he knows a lot about me.

This semester I'm taking a grammar class from him. This morning wasn't my happiest morning. I was sad and discouraged. While sitting in his class I must have appeared sad and discouraged. At the end of class, as we were finishing up a quiz, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, "You doing okay today?" I said, "Yes. Thanks." He said, "Okay, I just hate to see you look discouraged." I said, "Brother Bennett, you know too much about me." He said, "That's the definition of a friend. A person how knows a lot about you and still likes you." Can we say tender? Tender.

I'm so blessed to be attending this school. I'll be very sad to leave. I love BYU-Idaho.

The Dougy Center

This center holds a special place in my heart.



The Dougy Center is a non-profit organization that holds support groups for kids, teens, and young adults who have lost someone close to them to death. It was the first organization to hold support groups for kids, started in 1982.

After my dad died when I was 8 years old, this home became my second home. I loved The Dougy Center. I wasn't abnormal there. I fit in. Other kids my age understood me. I could feel anything I wanted to feel. I could talk about anything I wanted to talk about and no one was uncomfortable. I could cry, yell, run around, jump up and down, stay quiet...whatever. There was a game room, a soft room (where the walls were padded and the floors were mats) and an art room. I could express myself any way I wanted. The Dougy Center is a brilliant organization. Children are affected by death...more than people realize. Studies have shown that it often takes people 30 years to grieve the loss of a parent if lost in childhood. The sooner kids express their emotions, the better they can cope. I love the Dougy Center.

I just found out my home of healing burned down last year.



While The Dougy Center continues, and re-building is in the process, my heart aches for the loss of this home. Many many children over several years began a healing process within those walls. Found comfort and reassurance within those walls. This post is in memory of a huge part of my childhood and the beginning of my grieving process. I hope to give back to The Dougy Center one day.

Letters to Juliet

Yes. I loved this movie.



Was it amazing acting? No. Was it a brilliant story line? No. Did it improve my outlook on life? Yes. Did it give me hope and confidence for the future? Yes.

I want to live life. I want to write. I want to care about people. I want to write for people. I want to help people know that they matter; that their stories matter. I want to connect. I want to use words to connect. We're all lonely. We're all looking for something. I want to take the wonderful world of words to connect us. To take all of our pain, hardships, beauty, experiences, goodness, and connect us to each other. We can help each other. I want to do it through the written word. I want to tell my story, your story, his story, her story. It matters.

Feelings, emotions, thoughts, obsessions

I'm a person with very vibrant emotions. I dream very vivid dreams with color and feeling. Last night I dreamed a few dreams...one of which was of me sitting in the back seat of a car with two men (neither of them I recognize now that I'm awake, but knew in my dream) and one of them kept poking me, hard, in the ribs and it tickled me. It was so hard in fact that I woke up with a start, thinking someone was poking me. No one was.

That dream really has nothing to do with this post. Except for the fact that when I think, dream, or feel something, I do it with lots of passion, emotion, color...nothing bland, dull, or passive.

This is exhausting. Seriously, exhausting. When I'm sad, I'm really sad. When I'm happy, I'm really happy. When I'm excited, I'm really excited. When I'm disappointed, I'm really disappointed. You get the picture.

Friendships...wow. When I get a friend I put my whole heart into it. I've figured out lately that this isn't the best idea. Boundaries. Setting healthy boundaries is important. Now, of course, it's good to open your heart to people. It shows the real you, helps create long lasting friendships, shows the person you're trustworthy (usually). But when you give someone your whole heart and soul, leaving nothing for yourself...you kind of lose yourself. You forget who you are. At least, I do. I've decided I need to learn how to moderate my feelings. It's okay to be passionate, to love fully, to open up. But I need to set healthy boundaries.

I'm tired of thinking so much. Tired of obsessing so much. Tired of having such STRONG strong emotions. I mean, emotions are good. I just don't want them to consume me anymore. I want to be physical. I want to do. I don't want my thoughts and obsessions to get in the way of my actions. I need to just GO and DO. A wise prophet talked about that...so it must be important. Here's to going and doing. I'm tired of being in my head so much.

Room to create

I love when I get an idea and I can just run with it. It happens when I give myself time and space to create. When I'm just not thinking about anything else. It happened yesterday. It was a good feeling. This idea can be credited to a couple recent conversations, but specifically to one I had with Sister Fuhriman, the wife of my former mission president. Love her. It's so good to be able to call her up nearly two years after my mission (one of a couple phone calls in the past two years) and say, "I'm calling you because I need to talk to someone much older, wiser and more experienced than myself." Here's the rough but finished product.

Please excuse the fact that I look...less than decent. I went swimming tonight and never re-did my hair or makeup. :) Enjoy the nice piece of hair sticking straight up.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Fly

Sometimes I like to walk in bare feet
To let my skin feel the grassy sweet
But sometimes the sharpness of the rocks
Directs my path into a dead-end block

I need to learn how to fly

I've gotta just break free
From the ground underneath me
The thorns and rocks, well hidden they lie
I need to just jump up and get ready to fly

I need to learn how to fly

Feel the air carry me
And just let it all be
See life through the eyes of a child
Need to just enjoy the ride

I need to learn how to fly

Why do I try to control
Every little piece of my soul
It keeps on trying to escape my grasp
Of fear that's choking and holding it back

I need to learn how to fly

I can't keep draggin' myself down
Meanwhile dragging everyone else around
Let the Spirit fill my heart
And let everything else do its part

Feel the air carry me
And just let it all be
See life through the eyes of a child
Need to just enjoy the ride