Twelfth: What's in my bag...

I have a small purse. Never been a purse fan. From the age of 18 to about 21 I used this teeny purse...more like a velcro wallet attached to leather straps. For my 21st birthday my mom decided I needed something a bit more fashionable. I don't really care about fashion...when it comes to most things. Anyway, so I've been using that purse, a small leather shoulder purse, for the past 5 years. Well, a few weeks ago, the strap broke. So, I've been using this slightly bigger bag that says "Deseret Book" on it...nothing fancy. It's comparable to those reusable grocery bags. I got it for free when I worked at Deseret Book. So, I've stuck my strapless purse inside that bag...and a few extra things. Here's the list:

*Two pieces of sheet music (I'm the choir director in my church/ward)
*A couple pieces of junk mail
*A thing of tissues
*Pens...several of them
*A teeny 5-hour energy drink that I don't intend on drinking, but my boss gave it to me when I was interning at Deseret Book, and I keep it in my purse because it holds sentimental value :)
*A camera
*A check book
*My temple recommend
*Lots of useless little pieces of paper...like the paper holder I got my graduation tickets in...and receipts...and old wrappers :)

Eleventh: The sibs

So, here are the sibs. These are the sibs I've spent my entire life around. Love 'em to death.

Kayleen: Two years, two weeks, and a day younger than I. We fought tons growing up...now we keep it to the bare minimum.:) She's got style...major style. She's a rockin' hair dresser. Seriously, I would trust her to cut my hair blind folded. :) She loves what she does and she's great at it. Kayleen always goes for what she wants. She never wavers. When she's in, she's in all the way. She never fakes anything. She's always known what she wants and goes after it. She's hard core. Gets really passionate about things and lives what she's passionate about. She knows how to be a good friend. She's a good listener...and soooo much fun to be around. I love hanging out with her.

Kevin: Six and a half years younger than I. He was my little Kevie for so long...and somehow...someway he turned into a man when I wasn't looking. He knows how to make me laugh. He's the type of guy that definitely doesn't need to be...or ever want to be the center of attention. But he does know how to make people laugh. He's quiet. Never gets into fights...never gets mad. He just lets things roll of his back. I haven't seen him cry or yell since he was about 8 years old. He's a musical genius. He plays the piano and guitar...and plays anything and everything by ear. He writes brilliant pieces. It's like he's been writing for years, but he's been writing less than a year. I really think his stuff will be on the radio some day.

Bobby joined our family, um...well basically when I got home from my mission. That's when he started coming around all of the time. Kayleen and Bobby have been married for over a year, almost two. I think it will be two years in July...or June? I can't even remember. Shoot. Bobby is a month and a half younger than I am. When we were little kids, he always liked to tell me he was older than I was, because he was born in February, and I was born in December, and February comes before December in the year. I'd try to correct him by telling him I was born in 84 and he was born in 85...but 7-year-old boys don't usually listen to 7-year-old girls. :) Bobby and Kayleen are perfect together. He's a guy who knows what he wants and goes after it. He doesn't waste any time. He's a really funny guy. He cracks me up all the time. He's goofy funny...if you know what I mean. He'll just make random crazy noises...or start jumping up and down. He's full of energy and really knows how to have fun. He's a brilliant computer guy...and can fix any computer problem. But he hates macs. HATES macs...

Here's the Hanchett clan. We all became siblings several years ago...January of 1996, I believe. Front row, left to right: Me, Crystal (yes, two Crystals in the fam), Jonna, Heather, Kevin. Back row, left to right: Kayleen, Mike, Penny. From oldest to youngest it goes, Heather, Jonna, Mike, Penny, Crystal, me, Kayleen, Kevin.

Heather: Stay-at-home mom, has one boy and 3 girls. Her oldest, Kevin (two Kevin's in the fam as well) is waiting for his mission call, attending BYU-I. Heather's kind, soft-spoken and sensitive.

Jonna: A nurse...the kind that works with babies. She's married and has two kids, Grace and James. I took care of Grace last Spring and got really close with her. Jonna's very practical. She's got a good head on her shoulders. Makes wise decisions and is sensitive to people's needs and concerns. She's been a good friend to me...very patient with me and my emotional outbursts at times, whether over the phone or in person. Jonna didn't get married til she was 36. I respect her a TON, because she didn't make the fact that she was single her identity. She set goals and went after them and really enjoyed life...and then found a man when she least expected it.

Mike: Honestly...don't know the guy. Never lived around him and we never talk. What I know of him is, he's a nice, sensitive guy and a good father to his children. He owns his own construction business in Arizona...works hard for the money.

Penny: Another hair dresser in the family. She's got a girl and two boys. She's the type of person who can move a mile a minute. She and her daughter are best friends. She loves to shop...and she's good at it. If shopping could ever be considered a talent, Penny's got the talent. She knows how to find the best items for the cheapest price. She always comes over with the cutest outfits...or her kids are in the cutest outfits, and then she'll tell us the ridiculously low price the entire outfit was. It's amazing. She likes to be surrounded by people...never wants to be alone. She's a fun soul.

Crystal: Very tender-hearted. She lived with us for a couple of years...so I got to know her as a sister really well. She's also a hair dresser/stay-stay-at-home mom...only doing hair out of her home or other people's homes when they ask her. She's got three beautiful little girls. Crystal's that type of person who's totally beautiful, but doesn't recognize it. Or, if she does...she doesn't let on. She humble and kind.

So...there are the sibs. Glad to have them. Glad I'm not alone in this world. :)

Julie and Julia

I may be the only person who cried during this movie. Well, mostly toward the end. Am I?

It broke my heart that Julia didn't want to meet Julie...said Julie was disrespectful. But I'm glad they kept it real. And at the very end, when Julie was looking at Julia's picture and said, "I love you Julia," well, I choked up over it.

I understand. Julia inspired Julie. Changed her life for the better. Pulled Julie's drowning body out of the ocean, as Julie puts it to her husband, to which her husband responds "not so dramatic." But it's true. And I understand.

So, here's to you, Amy.
Thanks for being my Julia.

Dating

I'm not good at it. I suck, actually.

It's going to take a miracle for me to find someone who can put up with me forever. And that's the honest truth.

Tenth: What I wore today

To work:
*Uncomfortable black pants
*A pink tank top
*A black button up sweater over the tank top...it has cute ruffles
*Black socks
*Black slip on shoes that used to be way cute once upon a time, but they're way old and worn out

When I got home:
*My brown BYU-Idaho sweatshirt
*Navy blue sweat pants
*Mustard colored fuzzy socks

*Two rings I never take off...one is my mom's wedding band from my dad, the other is an Endure to the End ring a companion on the mish gave me
*My glasses

Song of the week

I've decided to pick theme songs for each week. I'm going to post them every Monday. I'll decide what song it is based on my mood that day...and maybe what it's been the previous couple of days. So...this is the beginning of my Song of the Week journey.

This week it's Kris Allen's "Let it Rain."

Things haven't quite turned out how I wanted them for myself...different from the majority of my friends. I've got a lot of voices in my head telling me a lot of different things. This song is perfect for how I feel. Bring it on.

Ninth: My beliefs

I believe many things.

I've often had a debate in my mind...over using the word "know" instead of "believe." For a time I used the word "know." I'm starting to use the word "believe" more often now. For one, knowledge comes down to fact for me. And someone can challenge a supposed fact. But belief, no one can tell me a belief is wrong. No one can challenge a belief. The other reason is, I don't always know. I don't. Sometimes I think I do, but I don't always. Sometimes I know some things...but I don't know all things. But I do always believe...which is a form of faith...so I'm okay with that.

So, with that said, I believe God knows and loves me on a very deep level. He knows me the best of the best, and he loves me because and despite of it all. I didn't used to believe this. I believed in God, but I didn't think he really really loved me despite some of my weaknesses. I do now.

I believe that sometimes we can't choose to be happy. (Not all this is spiritual.) That phrase, "No one can make you sad or mad." Yeah...I don't really agree with that. I understand the idea. But I believe this is just a phrase made up by the people who like to push buttons. I do believe we can control our response to the mean person...but I do believe that another person's behavior can and will affect a person's mood. Why else are we taught to be kind, loving, caring, honest...so on and so forth to each other?

I believe in the power of the word "good." If we're told we're good from the get-go, I believe we'll be more inclined to do good things. We'll feel good. We'll want good. If we're told we're bad with every mistake we make, we'll feel bad. We'll feel that all we can do is bad. I believe in the power of good.

I believe the Book of Mormon to be another testament of Jesus Christ. Every time I read that book, my life, attitude, demeanor gets better. Sunnier. Happier. More positive. Bearable. Is it true...or just the placebo affect? I don't always know, but I believe it is true. It speaks to my heart. I feel God with me as I read the words off the page. It expands my mind and heart. Makes me a better person. Gives me ideas and answers. I believe the Book of Mormon to be another Testament of Jesus Christ.

I believe Jesus Christ was more than just a prophet...more than just a good teacher. He was and is the son of the living God. His whole purpose is to save us...from ourselves, our natural man. He offered to fulfill God's plan, came to earth, taught and performed miracles, set up and established His church by his authority...passing his authority on to his apostles, suffered on our behalf, feeling every pain, sin and heartach we've ever felt or caused, died and then rose again, overcoming both spiritual and physical death.

I believe in communicating. Openly communicating. I don't always do it. I sometimes carry things around for a long time. I sometimes don't want to listen to people when they want to communicate with me. But I believe that the more we try to openly communicate, the better we'll be at it. I believe open, honest and respectful communication can prevent huge problems...in friendships, families, work relationships, and even relationships between different countries.

I believe in the power of love.

I believe in setting healthy boundaries.

I believe that Jesus Christ's church has been restored today and that He is at the head. He runs His church through a prophet who holds His priesthood authority. That prophet today is Thomas S. Monson. I believe that through faith, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and then continuing to try to live a faithful, God fearing life, we will all make it back to God where we can live with Him, Christ, and our eternal families and friends.

I believe there is good in every person. And I believe that we will find whatever we're looking for...whether it's the bad or the good...in anything.

Knocking on Death's Door

I had a near death experience tonight. In fact, I'm still suffering from the pain of it all. You see, I ate one of Salvador Molly's famous great balls of fire.

These balls of fire are so famous that the guy from the Food Network, the one who takes challenges to eat crazy things all around the world, has been to Portland's popular Salvador Molly's and executed the challenge of eating five in one sitting. If you can eat five in one sitting, you get your picture on the wall. And, for every fireball bought, the money goes toward heating a poor family's home.

So...I bought five...to share with the family for an appetizer. My mom, Chuck and Kayleen opted out. I ate one and Bobby ate four. I'm still in pain. Severe pain. From ONE fireball...made with habanero peppers.

I'm a person who enjoys heat. Everyone knows I'm the spicy girl...the girl who likes the sensation of a burning mouth. Nothing's ever spicy enough for me. Well this, my friends, is a different story. This fireball went to the pit of my stomach and decided to explode there. I am not kidding. I've never felt such pain, burning and...well...FIRE in my stomach before. I couldn't even eat my main course...had to put the entire dish in a to-go box. I'm in so much pain, in fact, that I couldn't even go into the grocery store with my mom and sister on the way home...I'm sitting in the car, very still, writing this blog about it... Oh. My. Word.

I nearly died. And Bobby nearly had his picture on the wall.

Eighth: A moment

Or two. I'm going to share one hard moment in my life and one awesome moment in my life.

First, the hard one. The moment my childhood, as I knew it, vanished. I wrote the following piece as a school assignment in my advanced media writing class a year ago. It's called "Awakening."

***We all can remember an incident or two where we experienced an awakening, a crossing over from childhood to adulthood. I startled awake so quickly I forgot I had been asleep.
'Why is the hall light on?' I thought.
My sister and I liked to sleep with the door open just a crack, to let the light from the bathroom softly peel in to scare away the boogie monsters. But tonight the hall light was on. It was brighter than the bathroom light.
I sat up, trying to figure out why I was awake when it was still dark outside. I was excited for the next day of first grade. It was my first week of school and I already loved my teacher, Mrs. Perry. She had the same last name as I did.
It didn't take a second of sitting until I heard the shrieking coming from my parent's room.
"Brian! Brian! Brian, what is it!?" The screams ripped from my mother's lips; she was panicked.
I glanced over at my little sister's bed. She was still sleeping. I pushed the covers away from me and slowly tiptoed to the hall to investigate.
'There must be a really big spider in their room. Mommy wants Daddy to kill it.' I imagined a spider the size of my dad's fist clinging to the ceiling above their bed.
I slowly peered around the corner of my parent's open door. But it wasn't a spider. My mom stood at the side of the king-sized water bed where my dad lay shaking, convulsing. I took a few more steps inside the room and stared at my dad from the foot of the bed.
"Brian! Talk to me! What's happening to you?!" Can you talk to me!?" More shrieking from my mother. Terrified, uncertain sobs escaped from the woman who knew everything.
Something had taken over my daddy. H was not in control of his body. I watched him as his entire body made violent movements. His face was purple. He was biting his tongue. Why was Daddy biting his tongue?
My mother rushed around the bed, lunging at the telephone. We lived in Germany, and in our German home only one phone could be plugged in at once. Mom had forgotten to unplug the phone downstairs.
As she turned to run downstairs she spotted me.
"Pray girls, pray!" she yelled as she disappeared into the hallway.
'Girls?' I thought. I looked behind me and saw my little sister.
Side by side we dropped to our knees at the foot of the bed, drowning in our over sized t-shirts, the shirts Daddy brought home from work sometimes. We loved wearing our daddy's shirts to bed.
"Heavenly Father, please don't let our daddy die. Please don't let our daddy die. Pleeeeeease. Don't let him die," we begged over and over again.
"They won't come! The ambulance won't come! We're too far out in the German territory for them to send an ambulance!" My mom was running back up the stairs. We were helpless. My dad was shaking. We couldn't do anything.
Finally, the Andersons showed up. Sister Anderson was my mom's best friend and a nurse at the military hospital. My dad was awake. He wasn't shaking anymore.
"What the hell are you guys doing here at 2:00 in the morning!?" my dad yelled.
"Brian, do you remember anything? We think you've had a grand mal seizure," Sister Anderson informed my dad.
I stood in the corner, watching my daddy. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, stood up, grabbed his pants with both arms, put them on one leg at a time, zipped them up and then buttoned them. All by himself. He was fine. He was my daddy--at least for one last night. That was the last time I'd ever see my daddy stand, walk or put his pants on by himself again.
They left us with Sarah, Sister Anderson's daughter, and drove Daddy to the hospital. It was time to go back to sleep.
"Leave the door open," I told Sarah. The reality was, the light couldn't scare away the boogie monsters anymore, but I still wanted to pretend it could.***


Ready for one of the amazingly awesome moments in my life??? This happened exactly one year ago. Performing at the Best Of Guitars Unplugged in front of close to 5,000 people.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

One of the most exhilarating moments of my life! :)

Seventh: My best friend

Okay. This one is a tricky one. You see, I'm 26 years old. What does my age matter in relation to my best friend? Well, for some, age might not make a difference. But for me, it seems to be that way. But, not just my age...my life experiences are coming into play as well. You see, in the past 7 years of my life, I've lived in several different places, while meeting several different people, many of whom I'd consider really close friends. "Best friends" if you will. Also, while we're on this topic, I'll just say that I don't really use the term "best friend" any more. I use "close friend" quite often...and the word "top" quite a bit as well, as in "top 10" or "top 20." So....

I was going to post every best friend I've ever had...and I actually did, but right after I posted it, I decided that's rediculous, because seriously, with my type of personality...I just can't do that. I've had so many close close friends over the years, and I'm so blessed these people have put up with me and helped shape me. I realized that for me, putting a name to every close friend I've ever had...it just doesn't do the people in my life justice. I'd think my list was done, and then I'd say, "No wait, there was this person during this time who was such a close friend." And I'd keep adding. Once I've loved someone, I don't stop. So...yeah. Can't really do this post the way it was probably intended. But hey, that's okay right? :)

Bad day

I've had a bad day.

Bad days aren't good, because often times they're started by another person's bad day, and then because of you're bad day, you cause someone else to have a bad day. It's a vicious cycle.

My day didn't start off extremely well, because my car was out of gas. I got up extra early to go get gas, but then realized my windows were icy. That took the extra time I had given myself, making me rushed to get gas. But, all was fine, I ended up at work at an appropriate time.

I then wanted to make it a great day. BUT, someone else, to whom I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt and just saying s/he had a bad day too, did not help my day improve...a couple of times.

Then, I come home to find the parking situation around our house a total mess...so I park down the street. I walk up to the house and Chuck says, "You'll need to move your car." I snapped at him, because I was already parking a mile away from my house anyway, where else was I supposed to park it? And I had had a bad day. So, now I've probably made his day bad.

Yes, we can choose our attitudes...choose to be happy...yadayadayada. But sometimes it's REALLY hard. But, now I feel bad that my bad day may have caused Chuck to have a bad day. So, I need to try harder to keep my bad days under the radar. I don't want to be the cause of another person's bad day.

Sixth: My day

This is also a boring one. Who came up with these?

My day started at 6:00 a.m., after a very restless sleep. I was sweating and dreaming up a storm last night...waking up SEVERAL times before the alarm went off. Gosh...why can't my brain just SLOOOOOW down a bit?

I showered, dressed, did my hair and makeup, which took about 45 minutes all together. I then drove to work, which is right by the cemetery we buried my dad in. It's usually a 10 minute drive with no traffic, but today there was traffic so it took 20 minutes. But that's okay, because I can technically show up at work any time between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. So I wasn't late.

Then...for the entire day I made photo copies and did inventory of files. This isn't what I normally do...but it's got to be done. So, I was the chosen one. :) The day actually went by surprisingly fast. I take a 30 min. lunch break in order to get out of there at 3:30 p.m. Yay for getting off of work before rush hour traffic!

So, now, here I am, just sitting on the floor of my room with the lap top Bobby gave me, (yes, he gave me a new laptop, because my old one was a piece of crap...he's the nicest bro-in-law around) writing this blog post. I'm actually procrastinating something. I need to write an essay as part of an application I'm going through. I've put off the essay because I like to ponder things like that as long as possible, and I had other things to gather for the application, but now I'm done gathering everything else, and I NEED to write the essay. Blah. I procrastinate even when I'm not in school. And this essay will not be hard to write. So I don't know what my deal is.

Anyway...it's only 4:30...but that's been my day until now. I'm sure you all are just jumping out of your seats with the excitement of my day...if you even made it all the way down to the bottom of my post. :)

Fifth: My definition of love

I don't know what love is. I keep asking myself that these days. In fact, I was saying that to myself a couple hours ago as I was walking to the refrigerator in our garage, getting milk. I said, out loud to myself, "I don't even know what love is."

The subject of love has been on my mind A LOT this last year. Can you help what you love...who you love...when you love? I've heard several times, "You can't help who you fall in love with." Is that true?

There's this old song I've loved since I was little. I don't know who the singer is, and I don't even know what album it comes from. I learned of the song when I was really little...my mom had a cassette tape she'd play as she exercised, and it was a tape her sister put together, a mix of different LDS/Contemporary Christian singers from different albums. The song, I believe, is called "What Love Was." Maybe it's called "The Last Touch." I don't know. Anyway, here it is.

Their first touch at seventeen was in the park
And the moon was full
She was beautiful to him
And her hair was long and her eyes were blue
And her skin was warm
And she turned to him
And he thought he knew what love was

Another touch at twenty-two on their wedding night
And the stars were bright
She was beautiful to him
And her hair smelled sweet and her lips were full
And her skin was warm
And she turned to him
And he thought he knew what love was

And then again at twenty-five when the baby came
And the sun was high
She was beautiful to him
And her hair was damp and her fingers shook
And her skin was warm
And she turned to him
And he thought he knew what love was

Later on at fifty-four sitting on the porch
All the children gone
She was beautiful to him
And her hair was gray and her forehead lined
And her skin was warm
And she turned to him
And he thought he knew what love was

Their last touch at eighty-five was by her bed
And the moon was full
She was beautiful to him
And her hair was thin and her eyes were closed
And her skin was cold
And she turned to him
And he knew that he knew what love was

After sixty eight years of laughter and tears
He knew that he knew what love was.

It's quite the tender song, actually. So, I suppose this is what love is. It's undefinable, really. We always think we know, but it can always grow stronger and stronger. And it can diminish. It's like the movie "Dan In Real Life" (one of my favorite movies) where the crazy daughter's boyfriend tells Dan, "Love isn't a feeling; it's an ability." I believe, at the beginning, we may not be able to control who or what we love. It's just a feeling we have...we're drawn to someone...and deep feelings come. But we have the ability to nurture it and make it grow, or we have the ability to ignore it and shut it off. Sometimes, it seems impossible to shut it off. If you love someone, you just love them. Maybe, but we can choose to shut it off. It's painful, but it's possible...and sometimes very needed. And, we have the choice to make it grow, to feed the fire and work at the love we've committed to. The deepness of the love...well, it's a choice; it's an ability.

So, that's what I think. But what the heck do I know?

Fourth: What I ate today

Whoopie. What an exciting blog topic.

I skipped breakfast, because I get up at the crack of dawn for work.

For lunch I had an apple, a banana, a granola bar and avocado slices wrapped in lunch meet...turkey to be exact. I really REALLY enjoy turkey wrapped avocado. Well, I just really love avocado. Mmmmmm.

I came home and I had a few semi-sweet chocolate chips, a handful of chips with Resers Salsa, and a glass of water. No, I didn't eat the water, I drank it, but I'm including it because it was the first thing I drank all day...and it's worth mentioning because it's amazing how water can cure so many ailments. I was super dehydrated today. Oh, and I had a boiled egg...with salt.

So, that's it. Boring boring post. But...whatev. It's on the list, so I did it. Feels good to check it off. :)

I would add more to this post...but everything I'm feeling and thinking about is just too jumbled up in my brain/heart and would make no sense on paper/computer. So...nah. But I'll end with this....

Kayleener and Bobby are going to have a baby! Woot for being an aunt! :)

Third: My parents

Madre. Love her. She knits the most amazing things (hats, sweaters, scarves, socks, ponchos...you name it, she does it) and cooks like a chef. She is warm, kind, tender, considerate, respectful, sensitive and understanding. She seeks to communicate openly...the apple doesn't fall too far from that tree. She sings like an angel. Wow...two cliches already. Anyway, she's my closest friend. I love spending time with her. She's usually the first person I go to...in person, phone call, text...when I have something I just have to get off my chest. We do have our misunderstandings at times, but we always work them out. If there was ever a person who wanted to get inside my heart and understand who I really am and love me for it, it's my mother. I appreciate her immensely.


Dad. Haven't seen him for a while, so I only know him from a child's perspective. But let me tell you what I do know. He worked hard for what he had. He believed in God and stayed worthy of His blessings. He loved me, Kayleen, Kevin and my mom a ton. He loved the outdoors. His job prior to getting cancer was working as a recreation manager for the military in Germany. He took the military men and their families on canoe trips, rafting trips, ski trips...all sorts. He LOVED football. He was a magician on the side...he'd get gigs doing magic at birthday parties and things like that. He was funny and very charismatic...knew how to entertain a crowd. I love him and miss the chance to know him now. I'm happy to know that chance will come, because I will see him again.



Chuck. Good man. Always ALWAYS looks at the positive. He has the attitude that things can always be worse, so he's thankful for what he has. Not afraid of getting down and dirty to get the job done. Very neighborly. He will help a neighbor out in a heartbeat...even if he barely knows the person. Extremely service oriented. He's always somewhere helping someone. He knows everyone in Oregon. Okay...maybe not everyone, but TONS of people. The man knows someone wherever he goes. And he can chat up a storm with a person he hasn't seen in several years. People don't have a hard time opening up around Chuck. He's the go-to guy at church...he's the go-to guy in the neighborhood because he's dependable. He doesn't talk much about feelings...or get very emotional, but he's always willing to evaluate a situation and apologize when he's in the wrong. That's commendable.