Never mind...

There's a fine line between good, raw, real pure heart-breaking writing...and self indulgent, woe-is-me, pitiful writing. My last post felt closer to the latter. So I removed it. Not before a couple people read it, but soon enough.

Instead of leaving it posted, I reached out to my cousin for a listening ear. The post was about loneliness. This was my cousin's response.

"That's when the Savior's life was the hardest, when He felt alone. When His Father removed His Comforter. Being and feeling alone is the worst feeling in all of humanity, even for Christ."

That quote is why I love Sundy Lynn. She has an empathetic heart. And she draws from the Spirit when comforting. This was the absolute best thing I could have heard/read while I was in the depths of loneliness. She reminded me that the Savior knows EXACTLY how I feel, and He recognizes the excruciating pain loneliness can bring at times.

So, instead of posting about my grief and sorrows, I want to post about my gratitude. Gratitude for the Savior and His Atoning sacrifice. His healing hand. His understanding heart. His forever guidance. His constant companionship. I love Him.

Gratitude for the people God puts in my path. For a roommate who calls to check up on me, listens to me cry, and then says, "Crys, I hope you're prepared to stay up until 1:00 a.m. because there's a movie we HAVE to watch right now. It will make you feel better." And it does.

For a bishop who cares. Who takes the time to know YOU. To text you on your birthday, and pull you aside in the hall to tell you he's thankful you're in the ward.

For good friends. Smart friends. To be surrounded by compassionate, intelligent people. For friends who live on the floor above mine, and I can just take my work laptop up there with me, plop on their couch and watch a movie while working, with people who care.

For a family who loves me. A mom who understands me. And when she doesn't, she works really hard to see things from my perspective. For a brother, sister and brother-in-law I feel close to. Where memories run deep for all of us. A step-family I couldn't imagine my life without. Older siblings who act excited to see me. Nieces and nephews who love me and want to be around me.

A good, solid job. Coworkers who lift me up instead of tear me down.

A cute, cozy, safe two-bedroom apartment. A beautiful city. Cheaper public transportation. A car that works.

Life is good. Hard at times. But definitely good. And I have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Dear Seattle...Thank you.

I passed my two-year mark of living in Seattle about a month ago. Sometimes I feel like, aside from my mission, moving to Seattle was the best decision I've ever made in my life. This is where I've "grown up" and learned to love myself. I've been presented with fabulous work and career-growth opportunities. My Seattle friends are some of the best people around...incredibly intelligent, wise, well-rounded, warm, accepting and kind. And the vibe of Seattle fits my personality so well. It's a hard-working city, but easy going. A driven city, but not extremely competitive. I belong here. In contrast to the decision to serve an 18-month mission for my church, I did not pray much about the move. I just felt in my heart and soul that it was THE choice to make. I knew before even uttering a prayer, which is honestly how the Spirit often moves me. Some people thought I was crazy to leave Georgetown and a Communication job in D.C. in order to move to Seattle without a job lined up and no friends at all. But nope. I'm so grateful for the agency God gives us, along with the choices and opportunities to take giant leaps of faith. And God has been with me every step of the way. So I thank God, and I thank Seattle. I'm happier and more fulfilled than I have been in a looong time.