Do It Now

I'm feeling very inspired at the moment.

Recently, I came to the conclusion that I've wasted a lot of my time daydreaming about things I want to do in the future. In reality, much of that "daydreaming time" could have gone toward actually executing those dreams. My problem seems to lie in wanting the END result or best possible outcome in the very beginning. That vision overwhelms me, and I give up on the idea before I even begin.

Not any longer, my friends! My new motto is, you've gotta make your own destiny! Pave your own path! Create your own fun!

And so it begins.

As you know from my recent "Dad" post, I've started creating a montage/documentary about my dad. That's just ONE of the MANY projects bouncing around the walls of my brain in the past couple of years. It's unfolding nicely, and I'm very passionate about it. Fears that held me back include "I don't have the proper equipment" or "How would I get in touch with everyone who knew my dad?" or "I'm not familiar enough with video editing..." and so on and so forth. Guess what! I bought some equipment...not the best, but it does the trick. I'll get in touch with who I can get in touch with and that's that. I don't need to know EVERYTHING about video editing to start video editing. If I'm passionate enough, I'll learn. My point is, I'll never DO anything if I'm constantly fretting about the end result.

Creating and producing my own podcast is another idea that keeps running wildly through my thoughts. I'm obsessed with podcasts. It's funny, because prior to a year ago I didn't know much about them. I learned about podcasting in my Multi Media Video Journalism class at BYU-Idaho. We were given an assignment to create and produce our own podcast...and I honestly didn't know what I was doing. I created one, and fulfilled the assignment requirements, but I didn't really get it. I decided the theme would be "Making Fun of Singles Wards" or something along those lines. Each episode was 2 minutes, and I made fun of some silly aspect of the singles ward life. After the assignment was over, I stopped the podcast, because I didn't understand the concept.

Now...I understand it! :) I really owe my thanks to Tyler and Sundy Anderson, who turned me onto "This American Life." That show turned me onto a million other shows...and just podcasting in general. Now I'm subscribed to so many, it's hard to keep up with them all. And they're not all as professional as TAL. Some of them are pretty low-key, but the topics are super fun to follow.

Anywho, I'm starting my own. The theme is going to be communication, and I invite you all to subscribe. :) I won't be the only voice you hear. A friend and past BYU-I class-mate is going to co-host it with me--he's getting his Master's in Professional Communication right now; I'll soon be getting my Master's in Journalism (a major branch of communication). We'll focus each episode on an example of a problem caused by miscommunication/lack of communication. We'll pick it apart and show where the communication went wrong...how to fix it, and how to prevent it from happening in the future. Our examples will come from personal life experiences, media, movies, television...whatever. The goal is to make it light-hearted and funny...but also make it helpful. I'm really REALLY excited about this project. I'll announce where you can subscribe when it's all ready to go. :)

So, my friends...life is for the living! I'm done worrying. I'm done daydreaming. I'm just going to do it now. Who cares if I can't/don't/won't make money off of it? Who cares if it's not the best quality? Who cares if I'm not a professional? The Internet is a beautiful thing that allows us to create whatever our heart is passionate about and "publish" those passions without jumping through a million hoops, needing to sign with a label, picked up by a publisher...yada yada yada. I was born to create. So I'm going to do it now. Let's live, everybody!

Oh, and listen to this song. It will inspire you to do it now, too. :)

Latest Obsession

I get obsessed with a new song about every other week. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. For SEVERAL hours at a time.

Getting reaquainted with Dad

I don't know how to explain this, but I feel so good right now. Like, so good.

It's hard to truly convey the feelings I have for my dad. No one can really understand what it's like to grow up not knowing one of your parents, unless you've experienced it. It's a whole different situation than losing a parent as an adult. Of course, I haven't lost a parent as an adult yet (and hopefully no time soon) but I can imagine it now that I'm here. Growing up without my dad...being taught his spirit is still living somewhere right now, but God just needed him more than we did...it's just a unique experience. It goes beyond the death part. I never got to know him. He never got to know me...right here right now, in the flesh anyway.

The movie "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" captures it really well, I think. The kid talks about how he wants to try to save his memories, before they slip away into nothing. And they do. Believe me. Unless you work hard to keep your memories, they will, slowly but surly, fad from you.

It's been close to 19 years since my dad died. When he first died, the memories were obviously fresh. Everything seemed so obvious. Yes, Dad was really sick...he'd been that way for a while (2 years)...it was only natural he died. I didn't cry. I just went on. I know I missed him...I struggled in school...kind of became a loner for a while...but it's just SO DIFFERENT when you're a kid. You haven't even learned how to express yourself yet.

Then each year goes by, without him. One after the other after the other...and I'm experiencing everything without him, knowing his spirit is somewhere out there, doing something. But not with me. And memories start to fade. His voice isn't so easy to remember, his face isn't so easy to remember. I stop dreaming about him. And I'm thrown into a new life with a new family, expected to BLEND...and Dad just drifts away even further.

I've never been too emotional about it all. Never...until the last little while. Lately, I've yearned to know him now. To know what it would have been like to grow up with him in the home. To talk to him, fight with him, laugh with him, joke with him through my teen years...leaving for college, Kayleen's wedding...watching him as a grandpa. I've thought and thought and thought about it. Sometimes I find myself tearing up at work while I think about it.

And so, it came to me, I need to get reacquainted with him now. I need to feel him close to me...truly KNOW he is out there somewhere, but hasn't forgotten me. How can I feel him close? How can I get reacquainted with him? And it came to me. Well, actually, I've been thinking about this idea for a long time...but it finally came to me full force. I've decided to create a huge video montage. This montage will include pictures, video recordings of him, audio recordings of him, letters from him (read by someone else) and recordings of people's memories of him. It's going to be AMAZING. HUGE and AMAZING.

I've been working on it all week. It's a Personal Progress project, if you will...except, I'm no longer in Young Women. :) And just in the last week, I've felt closer to my dad than I have in a LONG time.

This is going to be such an amazing experience. I'm excited for the end result, but I'm more excited about the process. The feelings I've had so far have been truly amazing.

Good things are happening inside me. Good things for sure.

I think I've found my calling.

Greeting card writer.

What do you think?

I could TOTALLY write all that cheesy, mushy, lovey dovey sentimental stuff other people can't seem to put into words.

I'm gonna try it. Acutally, I've already started. I just need to submit what I've written.

Who knows...maybe this is it. Maybe you'll all be reading MY words on those cards you give to people when their cat dies. It'll be my claim to fame. :)

....

The girl my little brother took to his high school prom is now engaged.

Let me repeat that.

The girl my little brother took to his high school prom is now engaged.

She's at least 6 years younger than I.

Um...there's nothing left to say.

Maybe a lengthier post on how this makes me feel will come later. Or...maybe I will spare you.