I'm sure most people have seen this before. But it was recently brought to my attention once again in my Mass Media class. We seriously need to stop comparing ourselves with the world and media's idea of "true" beauty.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Word Vomit
Today, in my persuasion class, I made a HUGE fool of myself.
We are often given situations, court cases, "what ifs" and so on and so forth for us as a class to analyze and discuss using the tools we've been taught and given. We are usually broken up into specific groups and have to argue our point logically and then come to a clear, logical conclusion with many facts pointing to that conclusion. Passion and emotion often lend to the convincing process and conclusion, but should not be the leading factors in persuading or coming to a specific conclusion.
Today, we were arguing a true case of a man being sentenced to death for murder in the state of Virginia. This man was an accomplice to another man, and the two of them went into a store, chose a man, followed him to his car, held him at gunpoint in his car and demanded his money. Then, directed him to an ATM at gunpoint, and demanded more money from him. Once they received the money, they drove him out to a field where they shot him 8 times, obviously killing him. The man we were discussing was Atkin. He, from much evidence researched and presented, was determined mildly mentally retarded. His IQ tested to be severely low, and he had a few other social handicaps. He, according to research, had the mental capacity of a 9-12 year old. He also, however, knew what he did was wrong, and doctors testified that he understood the criminal severity of his actions.
So, we were debating weather he should receive the death penalty, my teacher numbered us off, and I ended up in the prosecuting team. We had to prove why he should receive the death penalty. I was frustrated that our side was defeated from the beginning, nor were we given important information we needed to make a good case, such as the mental capacity of the other man involved. The info said nothing about the other man. We also didn't know anything about Atkin's living situation. For example, was he living on his own, did he shop for himself, did he pay bills? We didn't know any of this. We just knew his mental capacity from IQ testing.
Half way through I was so frustrated with the demonstration (especially because the apposing side was treating us as though we firmly believed what we were arguing with their looks and tone, when it was obviously a pretend trial) that I blurted out, "You know, I think it's impossible for us to even try to make a good case when we don't have all of the information available to us. We don't know what the other man involved is like...if he's just as "stupid" or not!" Yes. I said that. The word "stupid" in relation to a mildly mentally retarded man just flew out of my mouth. As I said this word I immediately felt HORRIBLE and like a complete moron, and it was obvious by everyone else's reactions (some laughed, some gasped, some had shocked faces) that they viewed me as an ignorant moron as well. It was the dumbest, worse thing I could say at that time, and my face immediately turned hot and bright red, and I started tripping over my words and finally said, "Now I feel completely stupid." Then my teacher said, "No, keep going, it's ok." And a friend of mine in the class said, "Don't be insecure."
Wow...it was awful. First of all, in NO way do I view people with mental disorders stupid. How that could fly out of my mouth...I'll never know. I know that some say what's deep inside a person will come out under pressure, and it sickens me to think that I would think that. I do NOT think that. The only conclusion I can come up with was how I felt during the moment. I was upset that we were set up to lose and that the class was treating us as though we should be stoned for the position we were holding. When I'm upset, sometimes things happen and the word "stupid" is often used, but this time it was used in a VERY wrong and inappropriate context.
Word vomit. I thought stuff like this doesn't happen in college. I thought embarrassing moments happen in middle school. Am I a late bloomer? I feel awful.
We are often given situations, court cases, "what ifs" and so on and so forth for us as a class to analyze and discuss using the tools we've been taught and given. We are usually broken up into specific groups and have to argue our point logically and then come to a clear, logical conclusion with many facts pointing to that conclusion. Passion and emotion often lend to the convincing process and conclusion, but should not be the leading factors in persuading or coming to a specific conclusion.
Today, we were arguing a true case of a man being sentenced to death for murder in the state of Virginia. This man was an accomplice to another man, and the two of them went into a store, chose a man, followed him to his car, held him at gunpoint in his car and demanded his money. Then, directed him to an ATM at gunpoint, and demanded more money from him. Once they received the money, they drove him out to a field where they shot him 8 times, obviously killing him. The man we were discussing was Atkin. He, from much evidence researched and presented, was determined mildly mentally retarded. His IQ tested to be severely low, and he had a few other social handicaps. He, according to research, had the mental capacity of a 9-12 year old. He also, however, knew what he did was wrong, and doctors testified that he understood the criminal severity of his actions.
So, we were debating weather he should receive the death penalty, my teacher numbered us off, and I ended up in the prosecuting team. We had to prove why he should receive the death penalty. I was frustrated that our side was defeated from the beginning, nor were we given important information we needed to make a good case, such as the mental capacity of the other man involved. The info said nothing about the other man. We also didn't know anything about Atkin's living situation. For example, was he living on his own, did he shop for himself, did he pay bills? We didn't know any of this. We just knew his mental capacity from IQ testing.
Half way through I was so frustrated with the demonstration (especially because the apposing side was treating us as though we firmly believed what we were arguing with their looks and tone, when it was obviously a pretend trial) that I blurted out, "You know, I think it's impossible for us to even try to make a good case when we don't have all of the information available to us. We don't know what the other man involved is like...if he's just as "stupid" or not!" Yes. I said that. The word "stupid" in relation to a mildly mentally retarded man just flew out of my mouth. As I said this word I immediately felt HORRIBLE and like a complete moron, and it was obvious by everyone else's reactions (some laughed, some gasped, some had shocked faces) that they viewed me as an ignorant moron as well. It was the dumbest, worse thing I could say at that time, and my face immediately turned hot and bright red, and I started tripping over my words and finally said, "Now I feel completely stupid." Then my teacher said, "No, keep going, it's ok." And a friend of mine in the class said, "Don't be insecure."
Wow...it was awful. First of all, in NO way do I view people with mental disorders stupid. How that could fly out of my mouth...I'll never know. I know that some say what's deep inside a person will come out under pressure, and it sickens me to think that I would think that. I do NOT think that. The only conclusion I can come up with was how I felt during the moment. I was upset that we were set up to lose and that the class was treating us as though we should be stoned for the position we were holding. When I'm upset, sometimes things happen and the word "stupid" is often used, but this time it was used in a VERY wrong and inappropriate context.
Word vomit. I thought stuff like this doesn't happen in college. I thought embarrassing moments happen in middle school. Am I a late bloomer? I feel awful.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Deep dark secrets
We all have deep dark secrets we would never want anyone to know...right? Tell me I'm right. Please tell me I'm not the only one. Well, I've been asking my roommates and my co-workers the same question and they all tell me, "yes, we all have our deep dark secrets we'd never want anyone to know." Now, the deepness of the darkness could be subjective if others did know about these secrets...most of the time something we think is extremely dark might not be so dark to someone else. But the fact of the matter is, most of us have some secret...even if we do wear our heart on our sleeves.
Well, at what point do we feel the desire or ability to share these secrets with trusted, close friends? And is this healthy...or should we never share our secrets? Now, obviously if these secrets are things that are keeping us from the Spirit, we'd have to clear these up through the Atonement. Sometimes these secrets are, and sometimes they aren't on this level. But they're usually things that are affecting or have seriously affected the person. Secrets can range anywhere from an action, a feeling, a thought, a desire, a mistake, a belief...and possibly others I've never considered before. I've been the receiver of secrets in the past. People have confided in me things that have been hard, heartbreaking, and unbearable for them at times...things that they usually do not share with just anyone. And I've appreciated the chance to possibly take a bit of their burden and sadness...to cry with them, ache with them, and love them.
Well, like everyone, I have my own secrets. Don't worry, I'm not going to reveal them in the world of blogging for all to see. I have revealed them to a choice few in the past...for what reason, I'm not quite sure. Probably for some kind of reassurance, love and understanding from someone here in the flesh. Very recently I shared them with someone who I am becoming very close with. While she showed me sympathy, concern, and love, something in me is regretting my act of sharing. This person with whom I'm becoming close with is someone I haven't trusted my whole life. There's a LOT of baggage with this person and other peoples surrounding her but recently I have been able to overcome my mistrust and am really starting to love this individual, a TON. So, for whatever reason, I felt compelled to share with her my secrets. Probably because I felt as though she would understand, which it seems as though she did. But I'm still worried. I hope it doesn't backfire on me. I hate getting salt rubbed in my wounds.
So, if you have any thoughts on the matter, feel free to share them with me. Even if your thoughts are, "I would never trust anyone with my secrets." What do you think? Is it healthy...or a stupid thing to do? I suppose I'll find out.
Well, at what point do we feel the desire or ability to share these secrets with trusted, close friends? And is this healthy...or should we never share our secrets? Now, obviously if these secrets are things that are keeping us from the Spirit, we'd have to clear these up through the Atonement. Sometimes these secrets are, and sometimes they aren't on this level. But they're usually things that are affecting or have seriously affected the person. Secrets can range anywhere from an action, a feeling, a thought, a desire, a mistake, a belief...and possibly others I've never considered before. I've been the receiver of secrets in the past. People have confided in me things that have been hard, heartbreaking, and unbearable for them at times...things that they usually do not share with just anyone. And I've appreciated the chance to possibly take a bit of their burden and sadness...to cry with them, ache with them, and love them.
Well, like everyone, I have my own secrets. Don't worry, I'm not going to reveal them in the world of blogging for all to see. I have revealed them to a choice few in the past...for what reason, I'm not quite sure. Probably for some kind of reassurance, love and understanding from someone here in the flesh. Very recently I shared them with someone who I am becoming very close with. While she showed me sympathy, concern, and love, something in me is regretting my act of sharing. This person with whom I'm becoming close with is someone I haven't trusted my whole life. There's a LOT of baggage with this person and other peoples surrounding her but recently I have been able to overcome my mistrust and am really starting to love this individual, a TON. So, for whatever reason, I felt compelled to share with her my secrets. Probably because I felt as though she would understand, which it seems as though she did. But I'm still worried. I hope it doesn't backfire on me. I hate getting salt rubbed in my wounds.
So, if you have any thoughts on the matter, feel free to share them with me. Even if your thoughts are, "I would never trust anyone with my secrets." What do you think? Is it healthy...or a stupid thing to do? I suppose I'll find out.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Always right=Always wrong
I'm a person who likes to be right. Let's face it, pretty much the majority of us like to be right. I like to prove my point, and I usually use obvious logic to do so. I'm in a persuasive class right now which teaches me I must look at all sides of the argument and know all sides in order to logically and truthfully bring someone over to my side of the fence. Otherwise, I am merely talking AT people through raised voices and one-sided arguments. Much of what I am learning in this class has somehow already been instilled in me throughout the years.
Something I've recently discovered, however, is when a person is ALWAYS right, that makes another person ALWAYS wrong. This can get very old very fast when you're the person who is ALWAYS wrong.
Example:
About a month ago I was hired as a Grounds Crew worker here at BYU-Idaho. I love this job. For one, you don't have to deal with stupid customers who treat you like crap because you're serving them their food. For two, I like being outside doing SOMETHING worth-while. Along with this job came the opportunity to meet new people. I've already made some great friends who I enjoy spending time with outside of work. One person, however, gets under my skin like NO OTHER. We'll call him Mr. Right.
Mr. Right is always right. I'm telling you, he is ALWAYS right. One day he began talking about the act of meditation. He was learning about it in his psychology class, which apparently makes him the expert. Anyway, I said, "Oh! I learned about meditation in my Religion and Philosophy class once. I've discovered I meditate best while playing my guitar. Sometimes, I'll be playing my guitar and my thoughts will just disappear and I'll forget I'm even playing the guitar and then 20 minutes later I'll 'wake up.' My teacher told me that's a form of meditation." Mr. Right proceeded to tell me, "That's impossible. You can't be meditating while your fingers are moving." I was wrong. I guess I don't meditate.
Once a friend and I were talking about our hair and how often we need to wash it. I said, "Mine doesn't get greasy very easily. I wash it every other day, and that's good enough." Mr. Right over-heard and had to let me know that the correct term to use would be "oily" not "greasy." Thank you Mr. Right. I was wrong.
September 30th marked the anniversary of my dad's death. It has been 16 years. The day of, Mr. Right, another girl and I were dead-heading in the rain (cutting off the dead heads of flowers.) A couple of the people I work with have become really good friends, so while I was thinking about it I said, "today marks 16 years since my dad passed away. It's crazy how time goes by." Mr. Right said, "Why do you have to talk about something so depressing?" I'm sorry Mr. Right, I guess everyone is supposed to deal with hardship through silence. My mistake.
One day, while dead-heading again, I was in a great mood. The sun was shining and I had gotten enough sleep the night before. A young man was approaching (we were dead-heading by a sidewalk) and I decided to say hello to this stranger. So I did. Following our hello's, Mr. Right began to laugh. I asked him why he was laughing. "Why did you say hello to that guy?" "Well, because I wanted to be friendly." "But 'hello?'" "What's wrong with 'hello?'" "Well, you should really start out with 'How's it going?' or something of that nature first. 'Hello' is just so forthcoming. It catches people off guard." At this point I just looked at him and said, "Are you serious? You're seriously telling me not to say 'hello' to people? Wow....WOW." Mr. Right strikes again!
You see, when someone is ALWAYS right, that means someone is ALWAYS wrong. Always being wrong gets a little tiring. So, I'm going to watch myself from now on when I'm trying to prove a point. Is it really worth it?
Something I've recently discovered, however, is when a person is ALWAYS right, that makes another person ALWAYS wrong. This can get very old very fast when you're the person who is ALWAYS wrong.
Example:
About a month ago I was hired as a Grounds Crew worker here at BYU-Idaho. I love this job. For one, you don't have to deal with stupid customers who treat you like crap because you're serving them their food. For two, I like being outside doing SOMETHING worth-while. Along with this job came the opportunity to meet new people. I've already made some great friends who I enjoy spending time with outside of work. One person, however, gets under my skin like NO OTHER. We'll call him Mr. Right.
Mr. Right is always right. I'm telling you, he is ALWAYS right. One day he began talking about the act of meditation. He was learning about it in his psychology class, which apparently makes him the expert. Anyway, I said, "Oh! I learned about meditation in my Religion and Philosophy class once. I've discovered I meditate best while playing my guitar. Sometimes, I'll be playing my guitar and my thoughts will just disappear and I'll forget I'm even playing the guitar and then 20 minutes later I'll 'wake up.' My teacher told me that's a form of meditation." Mr. Right proceeded to tell me, "That's impossible. You can't be meditating while your fingers are moving." I was wrong. I guess I don't meditate.
Once a friend and I were talking about our hair and how often we need to wash it. I said, "Mine doesn't get greasy very easily. I wash it every other day, and that's good enough." Mr. Right over-heard and had to let me know that the correct term to use would be "oily" not "greasy." Thank you Mr. Right. I was wrong.
September 30th marked the anniversary of my dad's death. It has been 16 years. The day of, Mr. Right, another girl and I were dead-heading in the rain (cutting off the dead heads of flowers.) A couple of the people I work with have become really good friends, so while I was thinking about it I said, "today marks 16 years since my dad passed away. It's crazy how time goes by." Mr. Right said, "Why do you have to talk about something so depressing?" I'm sorry Mr. Right, I guess everyone is supposed to deal with hardship through silence. My mistake.
One day, while dead-heading again, I was in a great mood. The sun was shining and I had gotten enough sleep the night before. A young man was approaching (we were dead-heading by a sidewalk) and I decided to say hello to this stranger. So I did. Following our hello's, Mr. Right began to laugh. I asked him why he was laughing. "Why did you say hello to that guy?" "Well, because I wanted to be friendly." "But 'hello?'" "What's wrong with 'hello?'" "Well, you should really start out with 'How's it going?' or something of that nature first. 'Hello' is just so forthcoming. It catches people off guard." At this point I just looked at him and said, "Are you serious? You're seriously telling me not to say 'hello' to people? Wow....WOW." Mr. Right strikes again!
You see, when someone is ALWAYS right, that means someone is ALWAYS wrong. Always being wrong gets a little tiring. So, I'm going to watch myself from now on when I'm trying to prove a point. Is it really worth it?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Expectations sometimes lead to disappointment
Everyone's writing about how wonderful the Mission reunion was. I can't lie and say I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think what I will do is put the pros and cons of this latest mission reunion.
Pros-
*I got to see Rita (Tanja Jensen Dalton.)
*I got to see Barb (Heather Love Jones.)
The top two are big pluses because I don't get to see these ladies very often and they were two of my faves.
*I got to see sisters I never served with, but knew either through exchanges or the grapevine...such as Crystal Miller, Jenn Allred, and I got to meet the famous Aubrie Gibbons Zeh.
*I had the opportunity to hang with the "younger" group, Joy Wiechmann, Ashlee Draper, Karen Brucker, and Alysha Mortensen.
*I was able to see President and Sister Fuhriman.
*I got a new outfit out of it...an outfit I feel very hot in. :)
Cons-
*I thought it would be like returning to the mission...it definitely was FAR from the mission feeling.
*I had just seen President and Sister Fuhriman, and it didn't feel all that special to see them a month later.
*President and Sister Fuhriman didn't make any kind of comment or announcement...not to rag on them, I was just looking forward to hearing from them.
*It reminded me how single I am.
*I had a big let down when realizing that a certain immature individual purposely did not come because I was there.
*Realizing some friendships are never the same after the mission.
*Feeling divided between the older crowd (my first few comps) and the younger crowd (my last few comps.) This division could possibly be my own fault...but I felt it anyway.
The reality of it is this: the mission is over. Nothing will ever bring it back. No mission reunion, no hang out session with past comps, not even visiting the the mission will re-capture the experiences and feelings I had while serving the Lord for 18 months in Mississippi and Louisiana. Time to move on and upward. Well, I'm doing that, but this just re-affirmed it for me.
Pros-
*I got to see Rita (Tanja Jensen Dalton.)
*I got to see Barb (Heather Love Jones.)
The top two are big pluses because I don't get to see these ladies very often and they were two of my faves.
*I got to see sisters I never served with, but knew either through exchanges or the grapevine...such as Crystal Miller, Jenn Allred, and I got to meet the famous Aubrie Gibbons Zeh.
*I had the opportunity to hang with the "younger" group, Joy Wiechmann, Ashlee Draper, Karen Brucker, and Alysha Mortensen.
*I was able to see President and Sister Fuhriman.
*I got a new outfit out of it...an outfit I feel very hot in. :)
Cons-
*I thought it would be like returning to the mission...it definitely was FAR from the mission feeling.
*I had just seen President and Sister Fuhriman, and it didn't feel all that special to see them a month later.
*President and Sister Fuhriman didn't make any kind of comment or announcement...not to rag on them, I was just looking forward to hearing from them.
*It reminded me how single I am.
*I had a big let down when realizing that a certain immature individual purposely did not come because I was there.
*Realizing some friendships are never the same after the mission.
*Feeling divided between the older crowd (my first few comps) and the younger crowd (my last few comps.) This division could possibly be my own fault...but I felt it anyway.
The reality of it is this: the mission is over. Nothing will ever bring it back. No mission reunion, no hang out session with past comps, not even visiting the the mission will re-capture the experiences and feelings I had while serving the Lord for 18 months in Mississippi and Louisiana. Time to move on and upward. Well, I'm doing that, but this just re-affirmed it for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
