Silver Lining

It's funny; some of my strongest friendships have developed over the toughest of times.


Two examples for you.


ONE

When my family lived in Germany, my family became friends with another family, the Andersons. My dad taught the Anderson boys in Sunday school, he worked just down the street from the Andersons' house, and often, we'd stop by the Andersons' house on our way home after picking my dad up from work. Living in Germany forces people to create family, because the closest family is half way across the world. The Andersons slowly became our family.

One of my first little buddies was Johnny Anderson. He was 2 1/2 years older than I was. Maybe just 2...I can't remember exactly. We'd play hide-and-seek together...build legos...he was a boy and would treat me like little boys often treat little girls.

 On July 4, 1991, Johnny Anderson died in an awful bike/car accident. He was 8 years old, and he and his brother were riding bikes. The bike Johnny was riding that day happened to have faulty breaks...and was too big for him, I believe. I can't remember all the details. But the ending of this story is, he passed away that day. I soon-after attended my first funeral...my first experience with death was my good friend, Johnny.

 I still remember the day he died. Kayleen and I were playing in a bucket of water on our front steps. After getting tired of playing in our make-shift swimming pool, we went inside, and I saw my dad on the phone, crying. I'd never seen my dad cry before.

Just a little over a month later, my brother was born...August 8, 1991. And a couple weeks after that, my dad had a grand mal seizure in the middle of the night. We were too far out in the German territory for the military hospital to send an ambulance. So you know who came instead? The Andersons. Only one month after losing their son/brother...and the Andersons wrapped their arms around us while we discovered my dad had a malignant brain tumor and he would only have two more years to live.

The fact that such traumatic events took place in their family and my family, in the same year...in the same summer...just a month and a half separating the two, MAJOR bonding. I love that family. Beth, Wayne, Chad, Jeremy, Emiko, Matt, Sarah, Christian and Johnny. They're like a second set of parents and seven more siblings. I'm blessed to have them in my life.


TWO

A couple years after my mom married Chuck, a family in our ward experienced a similar trial to ours. Brother Rex Bliss was diagnosed with cancer...and it was a fast-spreading cancer. We invited him and his family over for Sunday dinner one of the Sundays after his diagnosis...and recognized the pain the family was experiencing...and the pain they were about to face.

After Rex's passing, the Bliss clan quickly became part of our family. We started inviting them over for Sunday dinner every week, and it soon became a weekly ritual. We did everything together...camping, vacations, beach trips...everything. We eventually became known as the "Perry-Bliss-Hanchetts" combining my last name, their last name and Chuck's last name. Once again, we created a family during an extremely difficult time.

The combining of our families lasted for a full year, until Lendie Bliss met and married her second husband and then moved her family to California. Even then, we still kept in touch...me going to EFY in California with Eliot Bliss, and the younger Bliss girls coming to Oregon for Girl's Camp.

Because of the strong bond we made during that first year after Rex's death, the friendships made then are still strong today.

Recently the power went out in my apartment complex, due to a huge unexpected storm in the D.C./Virginia area last Friday. Our power was out for 4 days. Holly Bliss (one of the Bliss girls, who was probably 10 around the time her dad died) and her husband just moved to Virginia a couple weeks ago. On Monday, Holly texted me, telling me she and her husband were taking a day trip to D.C. and wanted to take me out to dinner. When they discovered I was still without power, they insisted on taking me back to their home to spend the night, bought me dinner, let me do a load of laundry and then drove me back to D.C. for work the next morning (an hour and a half away from where they live.)

This experience really REALLY touched me. I realized, that had it not been for Rex's death...and the understanding instilled in my family through the experiences of my dad's death and Chuck's first wife's death, Holly and I probably wouldn't be as close as we are. She's a few years younger than I am, and during childhood years, kids usually don't mingle with kids much younger than their own age. But because our families became inseparable for a year, we became close and are still close today. And oh how thankful I was for that beautiful friendship on Monday night.

Trials suck. They just do. Death is hard and seems horribly unfair at the time it happens...and even several years later it can still seem unfair. And you know what? It is unfair. It's hard, it's rough, it hurts...it's excruciatingly painful.

But, I've discovered that there's usually some sort of beautiful silver lining. It takes years and time to discover the silver lining, but it is there. And I'm so grateful for the chance I've had to recognize it.

Twitter!!!

Okay friends. I like Twitter. In fact, I love it. I've grown more and more fond of it over the past year, and now...I feel it my duty to explain to the Internet world the good that can come from Twitter. It's much more useful than facebook. There's no social pressure like there is on facebook. There's no commitment like there is on facebook. And it's not just a bunch of junk passed from friend to friend. It's true info, from real sources, no strings attached. It's fun, it's profesh, it's live, and it's so useful...if you know how to use it.

So, you should listen to the latest episode of Comm Therapy to understand it even more. J.R. (my co-host) likes to argue everything I say...and maybe you'll agree with him. But if you've never gotten on board with Twitter, but you've always wondered what it's about...you should listen to our latest episode. It's really nothing like facebook...and who made facebook the god of social media??? I'm tired of comparing everything else against it. Let's give Twitter a promotion! :)

Go listen! (If you really want to help us out, you should subscribe to us on iTunes here. It's free. :))

Sometimes...I just don't know.

I've been worrying a lot lately.

About things like money, my future, my ability to survive on my own. You know...the basics.

I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to get through grad school (assuming I don't fail miserably...it's hard), get $40,000+ in debt with loans, and then come out the other side without a plan, without connections, without job prospects...and worst of all, without a love for the field I just spent the past two years studying and pumping money into.

I'm scared.

I'm scared to make big-time life decisions by myself. I'm scared to continue moving forward in a decision...a decision that is ultimately shaping the rest of my life.

I'm afraid I don't have what it takes to make it in the journalism world. I don't like being aggressive. And journalism often takes aggression.

I'm afraid I don't know how to live alone. I'm afraid of loneliness.

I'm worried that I don't fit into the corporate world. Nor do I want to. I'm afraid I'm trying to climb a latter that's up against the wrong wall.

Ahhhh...the worries of a 27-year-old single woman. This is my life, and I just can't help but worry sometimes.

We all have worries.

These are mine. Thanks for "listening." :)

You see...

I made this purchase.

I've been watching Dawson's Creek on Netflix...yes, Dawson's Creek. And it's taking me back to the '90s. I love the '90s. Most importantly, I love the music of the '90s. It was lyrical and full of chick rockers.

So, I made this purchase. Alanis Morissette, The Collection....because it wasn't too expensive on the Amazon mp3 store, and nothing says "'90s music" like Alanis.

My first obsession from the purchase was "That I Would Be Good."

My latest obsession is now "Hands Clean." Which technically is not from the 90's...it came out in 2002. BUT, Alanis will always take me back to the '90s...not matter what the song.

I miss those days. Alanis. Sheryl Crow. Jewel. You know...'90s chick music.

Let's all go back, shall we?

50 Ways To Die On The Metro

1) "Someone is going to push me into the tracks ditch area...right in front of an oncoming train."

This thought forces its way to my brain EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I'm at a Metro station. It's my number one fear. Don't tell me I'm crazy. It's a very real possibility. I saw it on T.V. once.

2) Perfect place for a shooting

This obviously has happened...and people would go into frenzy mode. Stampedes would break out. People would go crazy. On the actual train itself, or under ground just waiting for it.

3) Gas

Someone could gas the joint...with toxic gas. I saw this on T.V. once too. I'd be trapped on the train, nowhere to go...in a tunnel, and start choking to death.

4) Flooding

I don't know how this would happen, but we're under ground...and water could get in there, and have no place to go. We'd all drown and die.

5) Earth quake

I do not want to be in a train while there's an earthquake. Under ground...in the dark. SCARY.

6) Disease

We're sitting so close together...packed together so tightly in a germ-infested contraption that probably rarely gets a proper scrub-down. I love having my body rubbed up against by a man who smells like belly-button juice.


Okay...so six ways is not 50 ways. But feel free to add onto the list. Please help my obsessiveness spiral out of control.

Comm Therapy

We've got a new episode. It's called "The many faces of Facebook." Check us out on iTunes or visit our blog at commtherapy.blogspot.com.

Leave us a message...argue with us...give us a topic to discuss...tell us what you think...leave us a review on iTunes!

P.S. I have an important quesiton I need to pose to my fellow bloggers. So stay tuned for that. :)

Without the Name Tag

I've realized, over the last couple of days, that I've walked into a war zone by signing up to work for Morality In Media/Porn Harms. I've never had a job that was so passionately involved with a controversial topic, that we're basically putting our reputation, personality, and even lives on the line in some cases. Now, that may sound drastic to some, but you don't know the kind of threats we receive over the phone, mail, and our facebook and YouTube pages. If ever one of those threats were to turn into reality, it would not be a pretty picture.

The last two days of my life were a different kind of test.

I had to attend a massive Christian convention here in D.C. on Thursday and Friday. This convention was a meeting for pastors and preachers all over the world, to come together and discuss relevant topics in today's world.

Religion plays a big role in Morality In Media's fight against pornography, and while we're trying to reach all audiences, religious leaders seem to want to get on board with our efforts of informing people of the dangers and harms of pornography more than most people. So, we arranged to have a booth at this conference, in order to pass out pamphlets, facts, and talk about this issue with the hundreds of religious leaders who were in attendance.

First off, it was an eye opener for me to see how many pastors would glance at our table, avoid eye contact, and quickly walk in a different direction. I didn't realize how uncomfortable this topic would be, even among leaders of the Christian faith. It took actual courage for me to approach people with a pamphlet...to ask them if pornography was an issue in their congregation, and if so, what they were doing to address it. We offered resources for help. Ideas on how to approach the topic. Encouraged people not to be condemning, but to realize it's an addiction, and one that many people want to overcome. I was nervous...it wasn't as easy as I expected...and I came to understand that this is a bigger struggle and problem than I had ever realized.

The second part of this two-day test came extremely unexpectedly...a major test of my faith and character. Who would I be without my missionary name tag?

As all you faithful readers know, I served my 18-month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Mississippi and Louisiana. While there, it was not uncommon for me to be yelled at, told I was a Satin-worshiper, called names and preached at as to why I was going to hell and how I was leading others to hell, sworn at, kicked out of people's homes because I was tainting people's children with lies, told I did not believe in Jesus Christ...and much more. I grew used to it. I had my common responses and would usually just move on, trying not to engage in arguments (TRYING...key word there.) :)

This conference was like being thrust back into that part of my mission. Why? Because, the booth right NEXT to our booth was the truelife.org booth, a tool to teach Baptist Christians how they can spread the gospel and fight anti-gospel things. One of their "anti-gospel" topics is....yes....Mormonism. They have videos about Mormonism, how Mormons are wrong and how to avoid them.

Most of Thursday and all of Friday, the founder of truelife.org focused on the Mormonism topic the entire time, looping the Mormonism video, loudly blaring the audio for all to hear...facts about why Mormonism is not true Christianity. While the video wasn't necessarily mean, it wasn't fully correct (obviously). And more offensive than the video, was the way in which the founder of truelife.org was talking about the video and explaining it to pastors who would stop and watch. He was disrespectful and rude...making fun of Mormon beliefs.

All of Thursday I battled with myself...Do I tell this man I'm Mormon? Is that my job? I'm here to spread the message of the harm of pornography, and right now, people are listening to us. If people were to find out I'm a Mormon (and so is the executive director of our organization) then many of these pastors and preachers wouldn't listen to a word we say.

The Morality In Media staff is diverse in religion. We have the Catholic faith represented, the Jewish faith represented, the Latter-day Saint faith represented, and the Evangelical Christan faith represented. We all have differing faiths, yet we come together to fight pornography. But many of the pastors at this conference would not come together with us if they knew we had Mormons and Jewish representatives.

I discussed this with Tammy, my Jewish co-worker. I wanted so badly to say something to this man. She said, "Crystal, right now you're a representative of Morality In Media. If by tomorrow afternoon you still want to say something, then say it then. But try to restrain yourself until that time. We need to get this message out to as many people as will listen, without causing barriers."

I decided she was right. I could still stand as a representative of Christ throughout the conference, and when the time was right, I could share my faith with this man and his colleagues at our neighboring booth.

Thursday and Friday passed, and there came a point when it was time. I walked up to him and said, "Jesse, I wouldn't feel honest and true if I didn't tell you something before this conference comes to a close. I'm a Mormon. You've been blaring this anti-Mormon video for the past two days...I haven't said anything. But I'm saying something now. I'm a Mormon."

He was baffled. At first he thought I was joking with him. He had talked to me a lot, just assuming I believed everything he did. He had never really addressed the "issue" of Mormonism with me...had he done so prior, I would have filled him in on my religion then. But as I was filling him in, he was speechless.

He then apologized and told me he hoped he hadn't offended me. He just loves Mormons so much, he wants to show them the error of their ways and help them come to the truth. He explained (after I asked him the purpose of the video) that the video has a two-fold purpose. After asking him if our religion was such a threat to him and his faith that he felt the need to make a video about Mormonism in order to pass out to pastors and teachers, he said, "No...no Mormons are not a threat. Well...the truth is...the majority of your converts are previous Baptists. That's what the numbers suggest. We're losing people to you, and people just don't understand that you are not Christians." First of all, I served in the South...so I'm not sure where he got his numbers. Baptists are not the church's number one converts. But maybe he meant that of all the churches Baptists leave for, Mormonism is the number one faith...from their angle.

Anyway, he then told me that his main audience, he hopes, are Mormons themselves. He asked me if I watched the video...what I thought of it, and if it was accurate. I told him I had watched some, not all, and my reasoning for that is to understand what people like him actually think I believe. He asked me what I thought was incorrect. While many things were distorted and misrepresented in the video, I took the most issue with the explanation that we feel we work our way to Heaven....downplaying the role of Jesus Christ. So I told him so.

I said, "To say that I believe I can work my way to Heaven...that's just a plain lie, and actually quite insulting. I can do NOTHING without Jesus Christ and I'm sad that you don't understand that. Jesus Christ is the reason for everything. He saved me. I wouldn't be anywhere without His suffering. I do not believe I can work my way to Heaven. And the way I see works, why wouldn't or shouldn't I want to DO good, if I love my Savior?? I want to be like Him, follow His teachings. That's just a lie to downplay how much we rely on the Savior's sacrifice. It's just a lie."

The man could not think. He honestly could not think of a thing to say. He was surprised, overwhelmed and kept stumbling over his words. Not much was said after that. We hugged, went back to our booths...and that was pretty much it.

I'm getting emotional as I type this out, because it was seriously a major faith-building experience for me. What will I say with no name tag? Can I tell when the appropriate time is to say something? How can I express myself passionately, but in a calm and loving manor? I feel good about how it all happened, and I'm thankful for the Spirit.

I know that man is a good man. I could feel it. He's just trying to figure everything out. I doubt he'll ever forget our interaction. I know I won't.

If anyone reads this, who doesn't know what I believe, let me tell you. I know, that without Jesus Christ, I'm a broken person. Christ is who makes me whole. He heals me on a daily basis. I've struggled a lot, with so very many things. But it's my Savior who helps me overcome. I am not working my way to Heaven. If I was, I'd never get there. There's no possible way. I need the Savior. To be honest, I've tried working my way to Heaven...just because, I was a lost individual with a hurting soul. I didn't understand the atonement. I just kept thinking there was no hope, because I could never be perfect. I would never get there. I didn't understand what my Savior could do for me, but I know now. I don't have to do a dang thing for my Savior to love me. He already does...and he already did suffer, die, and rise again...for me. Why do I do? Because I love Him. Because life is about choices. Because I have agency, and I choose to follow Him. Because faith is an action word. Because I want to refine my soul. Because I want to be like Him. Because I want to bring others to Him. Because I love Him. That's why I do.