The Art of Happiness

So, I've been reading this book. It's by the Dalai Lama and Howard C Cutler, M.D. Last night I read a passage that really stuck out to me. It's in the chapter called "Human Warmth and Compassion." The book talks about how relationships, intimacy, compassion and so on are all major parts of our happiness. But, today in Western culture, we don't always put the right definition on these words: intimacy, compassion, romance. This specific passage is about compassion and love. The first is about the possible dangerous form of compassion...the second about the true genuine form of compassion.

The Dalai Lama says-
"...I think there is often a danger of confusing compassion with attachment. So when we discuss compassion, we must first make a distinction between two types of love or compassion. One kind of compassion is tinged with attachment--the feeling of controlling someone, or loving someone so that person will love you back. This ordinary type of love or compassion is quite partial and biased. And a relationship based on that alone is unstable. That kind of partial relationship, based on perceiving and identifying the person as a friend, may lead to a certain emotional attachment and feeling of closeness. But if there is a slight change in the situation, a disagreement perhaps, or if your friend does something to make you angry, then all of a sudden your mental projection changes; the concept of 'my friend' is no longer there. Then you'll find the emotional attachment evaporating, and instead of that feeling of love and concern, you may have a feeling of hatred. So, that kind of love, based on attachment, can be closely linked with hatred."

Wow.

"But there is a second type of compassion that is free from such attachment. That is genuine compassion. That kind of compassion isn't so much based on the fact that this person or that person is dear to me. Rather, genuine compassion is based on the rationale that all human beings have an innate desire to be happy and overcome suffering, just like myself. And, just like myself, they have the natural right to fulfill this fundamental aspiration. On the basis of the recognition of this equality and commonality, you develop a sense of affinity and closeness with others. With this as a foundation, you can feel compassion regardless of whether you view the other person as a friend or an enemy. It is based on the other's fundamental rights rather than your own mental projection. Upon this basis, then, you will generate love and compassion."

That first paragraph is so true, to me anyway. That's the type of love and compassion I've had for many people throughout my life, and I've had to learn how to rip myself away from that type of compassion, and morph into the other. The other is so much more healthy and consistent, so I've found in my own personal experience. The first type seems more sincere at first, but I hate to admit...many times it does evolve into feelings of anger toward the other person if something goes wrong. Is that true compassion? No. I don't know why I ever thought it was. Ah, life...one big learning process.

Anyway, this isn't an extremely exciting post. But it hit me, so I wanted to share. I find the Dalai Lama to be very wise. :)