This just in...

I may go into social work instead of journalism.

I'm having an "all my friends are married-I'm 26 with no marriage prospects-I have to figure out my freaking life for myself-what will make me happy and keep me progressing if I never get to be a wife and mother" crisis/melt-down/freak-out.

I love to write. But only about things I'm passionate about. And I'm passionate about people and their struggles and triumphs. So...social work. I'm serious about this idea.

I have waisted today

I have absolutely waisted this day.

I told myself at the beginning of the week that this Saturday, today, would be the day I dedicate to writing my admissions essay for my grad school application. I've been dragging my feet on this for so long. Why? Because I'm scared. I'm scared to actually put thought to paper, send it off and get rejected. As long as I haven't done that yet, there's still a possibility of me getting accepted. The desire can still live. As soon as I actually write it and send it, it's over. No more possibility. Reality will set in.

I love to write. That's what I want to do...WRITE. I'm trying to write a paper about why I want to be a part of the school's Journalism Masters program. I'm writing about why I want to write. Write write write...the word is becoming ridiculous to me.

So, I sat in front of this laptop all day. With several breaks, mind you, but basically all day. And do you know what I came up with? Two paragraphs of crap. It sounds lovely...easily read...but has no meaning behind it. It's honestly a bunch of crap.

Brother Bennett, one of my favorite professors at BYU-Idaho, once said that there are two types of writers. The one type of writer writes and writes and writes....until finally the writing is good. That type doesn't care about crap. S/he writes several drafts of crap and plunges through til s/he finally gets a good draft. The other type of writer sits at a computer and punches out one line...then rewrites that one line until it's perfect and then moves on to the next line. The second type is more exhausting. I know, because I am the second type. I can't just forge through knowing that my work is crap. It drives me crazy. But it's a LONG tedious process.

I told myself I'd have everything submitted by the end of this month. The deadline is December 1. I'm going crazy. I need to submit this stuff. I need to be moving. I need to move. I need to live my life the way it should be lived. I need to be progressing toward something.

Why can't I write this paper? Why can't I find an intelligent, creative, intriguing way to express my qualifications and reasons for why I want to be a part of this program? Fear. Dang this stupid fear.

I need a breakthrough.

I waisted today. It makes me mad. I wanted to have a paper completed by now. Instead, I have a blog post completed.

My brother

Kevin, sporting his awkward sunburn (notice the lines on his wrists where he was wearing work gloves :)).

He's good.
He never fights.
He never gets mad. I've only seen him really mad once...and he had a decent reason.
He never talks bad about people.
He's pretty funny.
He's calm--does not overreact, unlike me.
He doesn't react to my freak outs...like, he doesn't think I'm crazy for being so emotional.
He's actually a good listener when you get him one on one.
He's a man of very few words.
He has feelings, he just doesn't share them freely with anyone...but he definitely has some tender feelings.
He's obsessed...I mean OBSESSED with sports. All sports. He knows as much about sports as I do about Amy Grant. He kind of understands my love for Amy because of his love for sports. :)
We both love to make music...that's our biggest thing in common.



I like my brother alot, a lot a lot, and I'm thankful for the time we have to live together right now. I believe in him and his good heart. I love that I'm related to such a cool guy. :)

Just as an FYI, I like my sister too. You can read about my love for her here and here. :)

I would just like to say...

I'm down 15 lbs since I started my weight loss/get fit endeavor.

I've been living a paleo lifestyle for almost two months now and I'm absolutely converted.

I got a gym membership squared away, and finally started working out.

I've slept better the last couple nights than I ever have before.

Today marks 18 years that my dad has been gone, but it's okay, because I'm that much closer to seeing him again some day. Thank goodness for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Actually, we have Heavenly Father and the Savior to thank for that...but goodness comes into play as well. :)

Happy weekend, everyone! Specifically, happy General Conference weekend. :)

I love...

Cool days, wind blowing the bushes against the side of the house, rain coloring the sidewalk darker with each drop...all while smelling a pot of soup cooking on the stove.

Fall. Lovely Fall.

New moto

I saw this as a friend's facebook status. Couldn't have come at a better time. It's my new moto.

"Better to be hated than loved for what you're not."

Amen.

Oh heavenly deliciousness

The wonderful and super fun thing about living a Paleo lifestyle is the need and opportunity to experiement with cooking. Never before have I enjoyed cooking so much. Never before have I tried so many new recipes. Never before have I used so many different spices and veggies, spices and veggies I didn't know existed.

Yesterday I tried an extremely simple recipe. Beet chips. OH. MY. WORD. I want some right now, but I don't have more beets. :(

Here's the site I got the recipe from: http://www.myrealfoodlife.com/beet-chips/

I don't really like beets. I like beet greens (cut them off the beets, steam them up...they taste like cooked spinach, which I love) but I've never really liked beets.

I LOVE beet chips. Mmmmmmm. I guess baking them sucks out all the yuckiness but leaves in all the goodness. Gosh, I've been looking for some kind of paleo snack I could really love. Beet chips and guacamole it is!