I did it.

I got rid of facebook. Yes, we all know I'll go back. Come on...I'm a communication freak...planning on getting a Masters in communications. And communications is all about the latest media technology/forms of communicating. BUT, for the time being, I'm calling it quits. It depressed me more than anything. I need some peace...

I'm keeping the blog though. I need some kind of outlet. :)

By the way...I will not commit to an amount of time I'm staying off facebook. Don't laugh if you see me back on in a week... :)

Question

Does time really heal wounds...or does it just make you forget them?

This thought has plagued me lately...as a wave of old pain recently washed over me, making it seem like I was flung back in time...

Thoughts?

If you're happy and you know it...

Sing a song! Here's my song of the week.

I wish...

I wish people would give Idaho a chance. It's so beautiful, if you just look for the beauty. There's something to be said for space. Space is needed. It's freeing. It allows your mind to rest and your heart to soar. No, it is not the green of Portland with the layers and layers of green hills and trees, but it does have its own unique beauty to offer to the human eye and soul.

Space. I like space. The only place I can truly find space at home is the ocean. And I do love the ocean. But, I love Idaho too. Especially in the summer, when the fields are green and the the sky is blue...

Idaho deserves a chance. Discover its beauty. :)

Balance

I had the privilege of viewing and/or listening to the four sessions of General Conference this weekend, and I was even able to listen to the Young Women's broadcast and the Priesthood session today on my phone while working.

I learned several things. But there's one thing I've been thinking about.

Marriage, and the desire for it.

Marriage was mentioned several times, and President Monson addressed it very strongly in the Priesthood session. It's always a similar message. "Men, get off your lazy/I-just-wanna-have-fun/I'm-too-afraid-to-commit-to-supporting-a-family butts, and go actively seek an eternal companion to take to the temple."

One talk, however, did quickly address how there are some women who aren't interested in marriage, but instead more interested in building their career.

All talks guided both men and women to actively seek marriage and to desire, pray for, and live worthy of a temple marriage.

So, here's my thing. Where's the balance for a woman? There comes a point where I believe it's healthy, I honestly believe it's healthy, for a woman to picture her earthly life without a man. JUST SO she can figure out what makes her happy and able to get through without just "getting through" and actually love life and make it fulfilling without being a wife and mother. Some women never get those opportunities, so they need to find ways to give their life meaning and purpose. I think it's healthy to think about those things.

But, at the same time, still desire it and actively seek it without getting so obsessed with it that you're just depressed when/if things don't work out the way you want them to or in your time frame.

I'm not sure I'm actively seeking it enough. By that, I mean, right now I really don't care. Honestly. It's funny really. I'm 26 and you'd think I'd be super depressed, because basically all of my friends, my age and even younger, are married with children. You'd think I'd be begging God every night for a husband. But, I don't. In fact, sometimes I go weeks without even mentioning marriage in my prayers, and then one night I'll remember, 'Oh yeah, I'm supposed to have active faith that I'll find an eternal companion,' so I then put it in my prayers.

I really figured this out a few months ago during a conversation I had with a friend. This friend was my roommate, and she's about 5 years younger than I...5 1/2, not even 21 yet. Anyway, we were talking about where we wanted to be in 5 years. She asked me first. I said, "Well, let's see... I'm really hoping in 5 years time I'll at least have a Masters. But I'd love to be working on a p.h.D and write on the side, freelancing for magazines. Maybe I'll even almost be done with my p.h.D in 5 years, and be looking for a college where I can teach." Then I said, "How about you?"

"Well, I'm hoping I'll be married and have a couple kids by then," she said. OH MY WORD!!! I busted a gut right then and there. I couldn't believe that marriage hadn't even crossed my mind while telling her my plans! Here she was, 20, telling me by the time she reached my age she wanted to be married with kids, and I didn't mention either.

This got me thinking. It's not that I don't want these things. They're beautiful things. Beautiful. It's not like I ignore men, or turn down dates when I'm asked. Shoot, I initiate conversations with guys and even invite random boys over for dinner without even knowing them that well! (Okay...not very often, but it's happened.) But, it's kind of this innate feeling I have. They won't be interested because no one has ever been interested before. And, even this thought is a lie, because I have had guys interested in me. BUUUUT...for one reason or another, it just NEVER works out. My relationships really never last long enough to even consider them relationships.

So, what am I getting at? I'm not sure. This definitely isn't a "pity me" post. Because, what I'm saying is, I don't care. I feel good. Yes, sometimes I long for companionship...for another soul to connect with my soul. But marriage? It's just something I don't think about anymore. It's a last thought. Not really on purpose, but it's just what has happened over the years. I'm not against it. It definitely is a desire and a hope. But it's not all I live for. Because if that's all I live for, I'll have a really unhappy life, unless it happens right now. Which it isn't. So...

Those are my thoughts. What is the balance? Yearn for it all the time...pray for it every night, constantly put myself out there and always have it in the back of my mind? I'm not sure I can do that...or should do that... But how do I not forget about it all together? Oh balance. I've never been good at moderation... My eating habits can attest to that fact. :)

With that said, here's my choice for the song of the week. I LOVE Ingrid Michaelson. LOVE her. She's my favorite right now (realizing that Amy Grant will ALWAYS be number one...everyone is always under her.) But Ingrid...Ingrid's great. More people need to know her. Get acquainted with her stuff. She's great.

Fifteenth: My dreams

I skipped 14...because it was ANOTHER "what you wore today" post. Not a fan.

My dreams include, but are not limited to (and are not necessarily in this order):

*Getting sealed, in one of God's temples, to a man whom I love and can connect with on all levels and who will love me back

*Having children...preferably more than two...and at least one of each sex

*Getting some or many of my songs on the radio...all around the country, not just locally...

*I really hope to be the person singing those songs...but I separate the two dreams because achieving "songwriter" status, selling my songs to other singers, is still amazing

*Writing and publishing a novel

*To live my life in a way pleasing to God, not out of fear, but out of pure and sincere desire to serve and love Him

*Be able to look God in the eye and tell Him I did my best, and to look the Savior in the eye and humbly thank Him for making it possible for me to tell God I did my best

*Become a professor...and, let's be honest, I'd LOVE to teach at BYU-Idaho for a time :)

These are my dreams as of right now...at this stage in my game of life.

Song of the week :)

I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately.



This song comes more from the significant other's view...less from a daughter...but still a good song.