This is my blog. I'm going to say what I feel.
President Boyd K. Packer's talk---controversial. Understandably so. I will admit right here and right now that I did not whole heartedly agree with every statement I heard, or thought I heard, coming out of his mouth. For instance, in his original address given on Sunday he states, "Some suppose that they were pre- set and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural. Not so. Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our Father.”
As I heard this my ears perked up, and I immediately asked the people I was with, "Did he just say that God would never allow us to be born with same gender attraction tendencies?" The people I was with agreed that this is what he said and intended.
I made a note in my journal, "Ponder and ask God if what President Packer is saying is true." And then I continued listening to the rest of conference.
I know individuals, on a personal level, who deal with different same-gender issues. What I thought I heard disturbed me, because I could understand how people, with these struggles and trials, would hurt to hear that what they've been feeling, possibly their whole lives, would never be something they were born with because God wouldn't do that to them. There are many people who have struggled with these feelings their whole lives, but they choose not to act upon their feelings. Hearing "You're not born with it, God is our Father and wouldn't do that to us," would be hard to hear...especially for people who've struggled with this for as long as they can remember.
Okay, so, I pondered and prayed. And I came to terms with what he said on my own level. Then, yesterday, I heard that Pres. Packer changed some of his talk in the printed format.
The new version changes a few things. "Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn temptations toward the impure and unnatural. Not so! Remember, God is our Heavenly Father." He excluded the line "Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?"
You can listen to the original talk here and follow along by reading the updated version here.
The brethren are allowed to look over and alter anything that may have deterred from the intended meaning or message of the talk. See this article. Pres. Boyd K. Packer simply changed a few things in order to emphasise what he truly intended.
This is what I believe he truly intended, after praying, pondering, and now reading the altered wording. What I thought I heard was wrong. This is what I hear now, even in the original version. "Some suppose that they were pre- set and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural. Not so. Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember, he is our Father.” Heavenly Father would never make it impossible for us to overcome any weakness or tendency that will lead us into sin. Having these tendencies is not the sin. Giving into and acting upon the temptation is. "Overcome," to me, simply means to not give in. We can't always pray our weaknesses and tendencies away. If someone is an alcoholic, he/she will always be an alcoholic. That will never go away. But, with the help of God, an alcoholic can overcome the temptation to partake of the alcohol, and can live an alcohol free life. This goes for any weakness or tendency, mental or physical. We can't always pray them away, but we can pray for the power to overcome the temptation.
I know that Pres. Boyd K. Packer is a man of God. I know he speaks truth. I also know that it is okay to question authority, as long as I do it humbly and sincerely. Nephi didn't just follow his father blindly. He sought the inspiration and guidance from the Lord, wanting to know for himself that his father's words were true. And the Lord confirmed to Nephi that what his father said was true. (Go here to read the actual account, specifically verse 16.) I believe this is what we all must do. Questioning is not what is bad. Pride is. I'm thankful for prayer. I'm thankful for the scriptures. I'm thankful for the prophet and apostles, for the priesthood, for the restoration of the fullness of Jesus Christ's gospel. I know what I know, and my witness is true. :)
These are my thoughts and beliefs. You're welcome to share your thoughts and beliefs with me. I'm open to anything. :)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I'm doing it
I don't even care anymore. I'm writing a book. I'm doing it. I'm setting aside my fears, misgivings, and doubts about my abilities, and I'm just jumping in. I'm writing a book. I have enough experiences, emotions and thoughts to be able to spew out some kind of interesting novel. I'm doing it. Don't try to stop me.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Someone to talk to
Sometimes bus stops can be awkward...
So can bus rides, for that matter. But they're only awkward because of people's desire to do their own thing, listen to their own music, read their own book, think their own thoughts, and the list goes on. We're too afraid to talk to each other, because that would mean stepping out of our comfort zone once in a while. We all go for the emptiest looking seat, because a)we want our privacy and room to spread out and b)we want to give other people their privacy and room to spread out...not to mention we don't really want to listen to the man's loud snoring or smell any possible odor that might be lingering around the woman.
This is a big generalization...not all people are like this. But, I admit, I am like this quite frequently.
Not today. Why? Because a woman asked me when the next bus was to come, I pulled out my head phone/ear plug and responded. She walked off, but a man next to me, Kent, took the split second before I stuck it back in my ear as an opportunity to talk. And boy did the man need to talk. I learned that he was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago, and his time is winding down. I learned that he's divorced and has an 18-year-old daughter who lives with the mother. I learned that he served as a marine. I learned that he became a therapist and specializes with people who are so far into drugs that they've got nothing left...then come to him seeking help. I learned that his father was from South Carolina and had been a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I learned that his father married a woman from Guatemala (I believe) and she looked black, which caused a lot of controversy between his father and his father's father.
We talked while waiting for the bus (for 20 minutes) and then another 15 on the bus. Then, while still riding the bus, an elderly lady sat down right next to me. Once there was a break in conversation with Kent (who was sitting a couple seats over) the woman (I never discovered her name) began to talk to me for the next 30 minutes. I learned that this woman lives with her daughter in Tooele. I learned that the daughter is becoming a manager at the Starbucks in the Salt Lake airport. I learned that the woman helps do housework at hes son's house in Salt Lake while her daughter is at work. I learned that she had open heart surgery in 2005. I learned that she worked for the church her entire life. I learned that one of her sons was recently in a fire, but not hurt. I learned that she's dog-sitting one of her son's two dogs. I learned that she loves books, and if she loans her books to people, she makes sure the people will actually read her books. I learned that she had a missionary moment (invited the person to church) with another man at the bus stop earlier this morning.
I learned a lot today. These two people needed to talk. And thank goodness I was the one who got to listen.
So can bus rides, for that matter. But they're only awkward because of people's desire to do their own thing, listen to their own music, read their own book, think their own thoughts, and the list goes on. We're too afraid to talk to each other, because that would mean stepping out of our comfort zone once in a while. We all go for the emptiest looking seat, because a)we want our privacy and room to spread out and b)we want to give other people their privacy and room to spread out...not to mention we don't really want to listen to the man's loud snoring or smell any possible odor that might be lingering around the woman.
This is a big generalization...not all people are like this. But, I admit, I am like this quite frequently.
Not today. Why? Because a woman asked me when the next bus was to come, I pulled out my head phone/ear plug and responded. She walked off, but a man next to me, Kent, took the split second before I stuck it back in my ear as an opportunity to talk. And boy did the man need to talk. I learned that he was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago, and his time is winding down. I learned that he's divorced and has an 18-year-old daughter who lives with the mother. I learned that he served as a marine. I learned that he became a therapist and specializes with people who are so far into drugs that they've got nothing left...then come to him seeking help. I learned that his father was from South Carolina and had been a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I learned that his father married a woman from Guatemala (I believe) and she looked black, which caused a lot of controversy between his father and his father's father.
We talked while waiting for the bus (for 20 minutes) and then another 15 on the bus. Then, while still riding the bus, an elderly lady sat down right next to me. Once there was a break in conversation with Kent (who was sitting a couple seats over) the woman (I never discovered her name) began to talk to me for the next 30 minutes. I learned that this woman lives with her daughter in Tooele. I learned that the daughter is becoming a manager at the Starbucks in the Salt Lake airport. I learned that the woman helps do housework at hes son's house in Salt Lake while her daughter is at work. I learned that she had open heart surgery in 2005. I learned that she worked for the church her entire life. I learned that one of her sons was recently in a fire, but not hurt. I learned that she's dog-sitting one of her son's two dogs. I learned that she loves books, and if she loans her books to people, she makes sure the people will actually read her books. I learned that she had a missionary moment (invited the person to church) with another man at the bus stop earlier this morning.
I learned a lot today. These two people needed to talk. And thank goodness I was the one who got to listen.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Therapy
I like golf. A lot. It is the best therapy I've ever had. And yes, I've had other forms of therapy. :) I went out with my Grandpa a couple days ago, just to hit a bucket of balls. Every single worry and obsession completely left my brain for the hour and a half we were hitting golf balls. I've had a lot of obsessive thoughts lately. I've been going over and over the same things...getting the same results...basically driving myself crazy. As my Grandpa and I got back into the car after spending time with clubs, balls, green and sky I realized I had not thought ONE bit about any of the things I've been obsessing about. I must go back soon. Maybe today.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Free falling
*Warning: Deep, lengthy thoughts below. Read at your own risk. :)
This past year has been full of tears for me. They just fall and fall and fall. Freely. But not until I've stationed myself in a secluded environment. I've become a bit more private about my tears this year.
I've experienced great disappointment this year. Mostly in the fact that people are human, including myself, and we all hurt and get hurt...sometimes with intention behind the hurt, but more often than not, unintentionally. I know I've hurt people...mostly unintentionally. There are few times I can count where I've whole-heartedly intended on hurting someone. I do know of a few of those times...and I'm not proud of them. But, usually when I hurt someone, it's unintentional. But it happens just the same. I'm human, and sometimes I don't know how to handle delicate situations, subjects, information and so on. Sometimes I don't understand the importance of something to someone. Sometimes I don't take the time to listen. All these things are unintentional, but hurtful none-the-less.
Trust is a delicate thing. I think we all have a deep, passionate desire to be able to trust some physical, human being...completely...with everything we feel and hold inside of us. The fact is, we are all human. Even in marriage (and no, I'm not married...but I know many who are) certain information isn't handled well by the other partner at all times. And this is because we're human. We don't always know exactly how to react...nor do our views always line up with the other person's, no matter how much we love that person. I do believe that a good, Christ-centered marriage (which I'm blessed to have so many examples of from many of my friends and family) is the closest we can come to putting our whole hearts and trust into someone here in the flesh without getting completely demolished mentally and emotionally. And the only reason I believe that is the case, is because that's the way God intended it. One day, together, a sealed couple...who's made mistakes, fumbled, messed up, but continued to try, will make it to the Celestial Kingdom...man, woman, together. That's the plan. God's plan.
But sometimes...that's hard. For me, it is. Because I don't have a man. But this is not an "I hate being single" pitty party. I promise. Because even if I did have a man, all my needs still wouldn't be met. I just yearn to have someone here whom I can trust completely, confide in whole-heartedly. But in reality, that just can't happen. Only Jesus Christ and God can handle that responsibility. Or, they're the only ones who can handle it responsibly, the way it needs to be...the perfect way. But that's hard. Because I'm human.
And so, this year I've placed trust in people...or realized past trust placements...too much trust and too much information, with the expectation of perfect understanding and perfect results. This usually leads to a broken heart...painful experiences.
I often feel so wishy washy though...because I'm not saying to give up on trusting people. Not at all. Trusting and opening our hearts is a beautiful thing. God intends for us to have close friends and to help each other through difficult times. I'm just saying I need to learn and understand that everyone is human. And my hopes and happiness cannot depend on any one human being standing in front of me. That's what I meant in this post but maybe didn't get across quite so well...
Tears fell freely tonight. It's not easy being human. Luckily, Christ experienced it. So...at least He knows what I mean. :)
This past year has been full of tears for me. They just fall and fall and fall. Freely. But not until I've stationed myself in a secluded environment. I've become a bit more private about my tears this year.
I've experienced great disappointment this year. Mostly in the fact that people are human, including myself, and we all hurt and get hurt...sometimes with intention behind the hurt, but more often than not, unintentionally. I know I've hurt people...mostly unintentionally. There are few times I can count where I've whole-heartedly intended on hurting someone. I do know of a few of those times...and I'm not proud of them. But, usually when I hurt someone, it's unintentional. But it happens just the same. I'm human, and sometimes I don't know how to handle delicate situations, subjects, information and so on. Sometimes I don't understand the importance of something to someone. Sometimes I don't take the time to listen. All these things are unintentional, but hurtful none-the-less.
Trust is a delicate thing. I think we all have a deep, passionate desire to be able to trust some physical, human being...completely...with everything we feel and hold inside of us. The fact is, we are all human. Even in marriage (and no, I'm not married...but I know many who are) certain information isn't handled well by the other partner at all times. And this is because we're human. We don't always know exactly how to react...nor do our views always line up with the other person's, no matter how much we love that person. I do believe that a good, Christ-centered marriage (which I'm blessed to have so many examples of from many of my friends and family) is the closest we can come to putting our whole hearts and trust into someone here in the flesh without getting completely demolished mentally and emotionally. And the only reason I believe that is the case, is because that's the way God intended it. One day, together, a sealed couple...who's made mistakes, fumbled, messed up, but continued to try, will make it to the Celestial Kingdom...man, woman, together. That's the plan. God's plan.
But sometimes...that's hard. For me, it is. Because I don't have a man. But this is not an "I hate being single" pitty party. I promise. Because even if I did have a man, all my needs still wouldn't be met. I just yearn to have someone here whom I can trust completely, confide in whole-heartedly. But in reality, that just can't happen. Only Jesus Christ and God can handle that responsibility. Or, they're the only ones who can handle it responsibly, the way it needs to be...the perfect way. But that's hard. Because I'm human.
And so, this year I've placed trust in people...or realized past trust placements...too much trust and too much information, with the expectation of perfect understanding and perfect results. This usually leads to a broken heart...painful experiences.
I often feel so wishy washy though...because I'm not saying to give up on trusting people. Not at all. Trusting and opening our hearts is a beautiful thing. God intends for us to have close friends and to help each other through difficult times. I'm just saying I need to learn and understand that everyone is human. And my hopes and happiness cannot depend on any one human being standing in front of me. That's what I meant in this post but maybe didn't get across quite so well...
Tears fell freely tonight. It's not easy being human. Luckily, Christ experienced it. So...at least He knows what I mean. :)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Out on the open road
I still haven't decided if I'm going private.... I must be pretty full of it if I think it's a big enough deal to need to think about it longer than a minute...
I've been doing a lot of driving lately. From Idaho to Oregon, then Oregon to Idaho, then Idaho to Utah, then Utah to Idaho, then Idaho to Utah again.
Good thinking time. I love open space. I love LOVE the colors green and blue, and it's so beautiful to see the blue sky touching a green field. I know I've mentioned that before...but it's true. I love it. It's breath taking. And I get to see a lot of that between Idaho and Utah.
Today, as I was driving from Rexburg back to Tooele, I thought about God. I thought about how I'm good. And you're good. We're good because God made us. And I don't need the approval or love of anyone else to know I'm good. I'm good because God thinks I'm good, and God loves me. He knows my potential, believes in me, and sees the good in me. He knows I'm good.
This, however, does not mean it doesn't feel good to hear other people say we're good. So, I will continue to remind people that they are good. You're good. You're good because you're a child of God. :)
I've been doing a lot of driving lately. From Idaho to Oregon, then Oregon to Idaho, then Idaho to Utah, then Utah to Idaho, then Idaho to Utah again.
Good thinking time. I love open space. I love LOVE the colors green and blue, and it's so beautiful to see the blue sky touching a green field. I know I've mentioned that before...but it's true. I love it. It's breath taking. And I get to see a lot of that between Idaho and Utah.
Today, as I was driving from Rexburg back to Tooele, I thought about God. I thought about how I'm good. And you're good. We're good because God made us. And I don't need the approval or love of anyone else to know I'm good. I'm good because God thinks I'm good, and God loves me. He knows my potential, believes in me, and sees the good in me. He knows I'm good.
This, however, does not mean it doesn't feel good to hear other people say we're good. So, I will continue to remind people that they are good. You're good. You're good because you're a child of God. :)
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Private?
How many of you would still read my blog if I went private? Would it be too much of a hassle?
I've been toying with the idea for a few months now...mainly because I post my songs on here. I'm not saying that my songs are amazing enough for someone to steal them...okay, maybe I am. But I'm well aware that would probably never happen...BUT you never know. So, I'd probably feel more comfortable posting stuff like that if I went private.
So, would you still read? Are "you" even out there? Maybe there's only like...2 of you, so it wouldn't really matter anyway... If you feel like expressing your opinion, let me know.
:)
I've been toying with the idea for a few months now...mainly because I post my songs on here. I'm not saying that my songs are amazing enough for someone to steal them...okay, maybe I am. But I'm well aware that would probably never happen...BUT you never know. So, I'd probably feel more comfortable posting stuff like that if I went private.
So, would you still read? Are "you" even out there? Maybe there's only like...2 of you, so it wouldn't really matter anyway... If you feel like expressing your opinion, let me know.
:)
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