The "hows" to my weight-loss success so far

Okay friends.

After several, and I mean SEVERAL, people questioning me over the last few weeks on my weight-loss success, I'm going to write a blog post about it.

Paleo.

Here's the deal. I have my thoughts, opinions and feelings on food, health and nutrition. And my thoughts, opinions and feelings do not have to line up with yours in order for us to remain friends. Since I have been asked by several people for tips, thoughts, explanations and so on, I'm going to share them here on my blog.

First and foremost, paleo has been much more a mind-shift than a diet-shift for me. It's true, I have shifted the way I eat. But I've shifted the way I see food and the way I see myself, which has helped me shift the way I eat.

I used to be someone who thought I'd never be able to look or feel good. I was cursed with a body that was fat. I had thoughts like, "It sucks that my skinny friend can eat a whole package of oreos, and I eat 3 and gain 5 lbs. It's not fair." I also had the mentality that the rest of the world has, which is..."If I can just lose 'this' amount of lbs. in 'this' amount of time, then...THEN my life will be better and THEN I can eat whatever I want." Everything was centered on time, numbers, and a fixation on the idea that it's not fair that I can't eat crap when other people can. I was obsessed with it. It made me justify everything. "It's not fair that I have to count calories. It's not fair that I have to worry about eating too much. It's not fair...blah blah blah."

Some how, some way, I realized that eating has nothing to do with being fair. Really...REALLY, none of us should be eating processed crap. It doesn't matter how skinny you are...it's not good for our bodies. But the reality is, what you do to your body has nothing to do with what I do to my body. And I finally figured that out.

I started seeing food as fuel...fuel for this God-given body that I've been entrusted with. Food is just like anything else; some things improve our well-being and help us achieve our goals, and some things set us back...and do not help our well-being.

So, one day...I just decided. I decided to stop looking at numbers. To stop comparing. To stop being envious. And I started to focus on my body. MY body. Not the world's view of a perfect body. Not the government's idea of what a perfect body should consume. MY body...and what makes my body feel good.

I listened to podcasts...specifically Latest In Paleo, which has since turned into less of a paleo podcast, and more of a whole-foods podcast. The producer, Angelo Copola, doesn't follow a strict "paleo" lifestyle. He eats grains on occasion and allows dairy into his diet. He does, however, eat natural, whole foods. The podcast takes a look at all sorts of articles, news clips, documentaries and debates about food...and he breaks them apart and looks at it through a paleo-ish lense. Listening to these podcasts allowed me to form my own thoughts and opinions on what I should be putting in my body...because I was hearing multiple view-points on health, food, nutrition an exercise....all from a wide variety of sources.

When I started the paleo lifestyle, I did it with the mindset that I'd see how I FELT after 30 days. Not how much weight I'd lose...but how I would feel. I didn't put a number on it. I didn't compare myself to any other person's experience with paleo. I just decided to do it, and then to see how I felt.

At the end of the 30 days of following a pretty strict paleo diet, I felt clean, more energetic, and my sleep had improved. So, I decided to keep going. I started August 8, 2011...and I've been living this lifestyle since that time.

So, do I "cheat"? What about wheat? What about "eat meat sparingly"?

First of all, the fact that I've shifted the way I see food means I no longer believe in the term "cheat" when it comes to food. Food is fuel. Some food doesn't fuel my body the way it should. Does it mean I'm cheating when I eat that non-productive fuel? No. I'm not cheating. How is that cheating? I'm just CHOOSING to fuel my body with fake substance that doesn't do much for my physical well-being. It's happy for my taste-buds in the moment. And you know what...that's just fine. I can make those choices if I want. And I do on occasion. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean I'm a failure at the paleo lifestyle. It just means I made a choice. And the choice produces some kind of consequence. Sometimes the only consequence is that I get to enjoy something tasty with my friends. Sometimes there are negative consequences, like feeling bloated, not being able to sleep very well, or having my pants feel a little tighter. But I made the choice, and it's the choice I wanted to make. I do not plan "cheat days." I do not calculate when I'll be able to eat certain things. I do not say "Well, because I ate this, I now have to run an extra mile." Nope... I just make choices.

So, yes, I do go off the Paleo beating path on occasion. Sometimes it's once a week. Sometimes it's once a month. Sometimes it's three times a week. The fact is, however...I don't plan and/or calculate those things. I just do what I want. And I can, now that my view of food has shifted. Because, you see, I no longer WANT to fuel my body with crap all the time. So my desire for crap is less frequent than it used to be. So when I do have a desire...sure. Once in a while I'll allow myself to have it, because I know that it won't be my main source of fuel.

Wheat. Eat meat sparingly. (This paragraph is for the Mormon readers out there. You can look up the Word of Wisdom here if you don't know what I'm talking about.) Well, to be honest...I don't care if YOU want to eat wheat. And, I do agree...that meat shouldn't be in every meal every day. But come on....really? Really? You're going to use the Word of Wisdom to keep you from eating HEALTHY? I view the paleo lifestyle as eating NATURAL WHOLE foods. So, really...maybe I shouldn't refer to it as paleo anymore. Over the year and a half that I've been eating this way, my views and ideas have evolved. So, maybe I should refer to it as a whole-foods lifestyle. But here's the deal. Gluten does not make my body feel good: fact. Wheat has gluten: fact. So, I don't eat wheat. Too many grains and starches make ME feel lethargic and cause my body to hold onto unneeded weight: fact. Do I believe grains are beneficial for the body? Yes, I do. So I eat them sometimes. Tell me this. If you're a person who eats lots of fast-food, processed food, and sugary items...but doesn't eat a lot of meat, do you think you're living the Word of Wisdom?

In a nutshell, here's what I'll say to people who are unhealthy, and ask me about how my diet lines up with the Word of Wisdom: Just cut out the processed foods. That's it. If gluten doesn't make you feel sick...GREAT, eat wheat. But make it yourself. Eat things that you could grow and make yourself.

So, moral of this whole story is....I don't really put numbers on things. I haven't given myself a time limit. I make goals based on physical things I want to accomplish. Like: I want my body to have enough energy to run a 5K. Or: I don't want diabetes. SURE, I do have sizes I'd like to see. But I don't center my whole world on those sizes. And I DON'T put a time-limit on when I should fit into those sizes. My main goal is PROGRESSION. I want to be healthier at the end of this year than I was at the end of last. If that means I'm another size down, then WOOOHOOO.

One more thing. WALK. I believe in walking. Walking will keep you alive. Sure, I've bumped my walking up to running. But I still walk every day as well. And I'm still progressing. Some day I want to add weight training into my exercise routine. Baby steps. I mastered walking first. Then I added running. I just don't believe in diving in the deep end when it comes to exercise...because if you're like me, you'll drown. I'm working my way up...slowly, but surely. With no time limits or restrictions.

The secret: Mind-shift before diet/exercise-shift.

If you made it all the way to the end of this post...wow. Good for you. I'm no expert. Not by ANY definition. I'm just telling you the mentality that's worked for me.

More links I've used throughout my year-and-a-half journey:

Favorite recipe blog: http://everydaypaleo.com/

Informative blogs:
Strict paleo: http://robbwolf.com/
A little less strict...defined more as "primal" living: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/
Whole foods living: http://www.westonaprice.org/basics/dietary-guidelines

Favorite podcast, which I linked to in my "novel" ;) : http://www.latestinpaleo.com/

Hey, so...listen.

Hey. So, I have this roommate who starts every sentence with "Hey, so" or "Listen." Once in a while she'll start it with "Look." But "Hey" and "Listen" are her most common and favorite. I've started to pick up on the isms...as I often do with whomever I'm around a lot.

Can I just say, I really enjoy my roommates. And currently, at this present time, they're filling our house with delicious smells of things I probably can't eat. :)

I would like to testify of the power of service for just a moment. This is not a story of where I served someone and it was a magnificent experience. NO. This is a story of someone serving me.

Once upon a time, I didn't know *insert person's name here* very well. She had little quarks...and because I didn't know her very well...those quarks kind of bugged me sometimes. I had no desire to get to know her...or try to be friends. Then one day I sprained my ankle. And *said person* took care of me. Beyond the normal care one gives a stranger when she sprains her ankle. She propped pillows up. Took my sock off. Observed the swelling. Put ice on it. Went to the store to buy more ice. Bought me dried fruit as a treat since she knows I try to stay away from processed food. She cleaned my nasty scrapes on my knee (spraining my ankle just wasn't enough that night...had to scrape up my knee and put a hole in my brand new workout pants) and applied healing jell stuff to it. She went to my room and brought everything down to the couch that I needed/wanted...backpack, computer, phone, charger. She made me delicious soup. And then she put on a movie and watched it with me as I stuck my foot in a bucket of ice/water. It actually wasn't a bucket...it was a big pot. And she's the one who prepared it for me.

Due to this one night...this one event...and these many acts of service, I have since gotten to know *said person* and I absolutely love her. I do. She's a tender, caring, thoughtful, good person who's just trying to make it through this life in one piece. We're buds now. And I'm so thankful to have her in my life. And that is the power of service. Pure, heartfelt, Christ-like service. It softened heart and removed my stupid, horrible pride...and now I have an amazing friend.

The other thing I wanted to say in the post is this. I post way too often on facebook. I need to disconnect from the world more often. My anxiety has been hitting full force the past couple of days...and I really think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm always plugged into the whole freaking world. So, I've decided to try leaving my phone at home when I go places...and ah. Sweet freedom. The anxiety has subsided...somewhat. I left it at home last night when I went to dinner with my roommates. And I left it at home today when I went to church, and I actually took my HARD BACK scriptures...the physical ones that you actually turn pages instead of scroll through a little screen. And it was bliss. No temptation to check facebook. No temptation to text. No temptation to tweet. No temptation to play tetris. Just me, the Savior, the Spirit, Heavenly Father, the people I was worshiping with and the good books of scripture. The Spirit didn't have to fight for my attention. Peace. I need to disconnect more often.

But...don't be surprised if I keep posting on facebook often. I can't help it. I like to be heard. I just do. Whatev.

Nobody's blogging

Including me. I don't feel like changing that at the moment. But you all should. I need more reading material.:)

I'm happy! With a little bit of sadness mixed in.

Today I realized, I'm happy. I'm pretty dang happy. For no particular reason. Except, I'm just really happy and content with my life right at the moment.

The Christmas season adds to my happiness. I love listening to sweet melodies of the Savior's life. I love sitting by the tree...looking at the lights and feeling the peace this season brings. The peace the Savior brings all year long.

I recently found out that my job with the government may be ending sooner than anticipated. Apparently, they had less funding for a contract worker than they thought. They really want to keep me, but there's not a lot they can do....except for a few ideas that are in the works. We're trying, but it's not promising.

This job has been so good for me. It's boosted my self-confidence in so many ways. In a way, it reminds me a bit of my mission...in the sense that, I'm dealing with people of all sorts of backgrounds, cultures,and  beliefs. I get to help them progress toward something good.

I've also grown to LOVE my co-workers. I've made some dear friends in just the last 5 weeks. A couple of them, I'm sure, will remain close friends of mine even after I part with the job.

So, this job has added to my happiness. The fact that it's ending causes me some sadness. But things will work out the way they're supposed to.

I sprained my ankle. And it's ugly. Black and blue all over...and still a bit swollen, a week after the fact. I haven't seen a doctor, because several people have told me I don't need to. But everyone at work thinks I should see a doctor. BUT...I can walk on it. Granted, it hurts...but when I wear a brace I'm fine. So, I know I didn't break it. The only thing I don't know is...if there's a small fracture, or if I tore anything that can't grow back. Haha...I don't know what's in an ankle or foot. But anyway...it's bumming me out a bit, because I can't run, and I was supposed to run another 5K at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve along the Waterfront in Portland. Oh well...I guess I'll have to do it next year. The up side of this whole thing is...AT LEAST the sprain happened two days AFTER my first beautiful 5K.

My roommate's mom just passed away from cancer last week. My roommate went home to say goodbye and won't be back for another month. My heart is breaking for her. I know that some of you, the readers of my blog, have experienced the same thing...recently or farther in the past. And my heart breaks for you too. The fact that I live with my roommate has obviously brought it a lot closer to the surface for me...and I've been reliving the feelings of losing a parent...and I've also been aching for my step-siblings who lost their mother at the same stage in life as my roommate is right now. I spent quite a bit of time on Sunday just shedding tear after tear for everyone's loss...because I know the pain. I don't know their own specific pain, but I know a similar pain...

But through all the heart-break I've been feeling on behalf of other people...I've also felt the Savior's love for all those who are feeling in despair. Especially, like I said before, during this Christmas season. I love the Savior so much...for the fact that only HE can truly ease our burdens and comfort our aching hearts. And the fact that he wants to...and does it willingly. I'm comforted in knowing that, while I can't comfort those who are struggling the way I wish I could, I know the Savior can.

So...I'm happy. Definitely happy. With a little sadness mixed in there too. And that's okay...that's life.

Crying at the finish line

So, as many of you know...I ran my first 5K over Thanksgiving weekend.

My very first 5K was a homemade 5K on Thanksgiving morning/noonish. Kayleen and I just programmed 3.1 miles into my phone, and we ran until it told us to stop. Good ole technology.

My second 5K, and first official race, took place last Saturday...the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It was beautiful.

I don't have much to say about it, really. I mean, it was *just* a 5K.

Side note:

When I signed up, the helper guy was like, "Which one are you signing up for?" There were a couple different races taking place over the weekend. I sheepishly said, "Just the 5K." He said, "There's no "JUST" about a 5K. You claim that 5K. Be proud of it. Don't ever put 'just' in front of '5K' again." So I said, "Well, to be honest, I've been working really hard to be able to run this 5K." And he said, "See...and you're going to rock it. Good for you!"

So, back to what I have to actually say about the 5K. I have never considered myself a runner. In fact, I was so far removed from the "runner" status...suggesting I'd ever run a 5K without walking during it was seriously laughable. Like, a year ago, I would have totally laughed at the thought. The thought of running for exercise...or heaven forbid, pleasure...was really quite sickening to me.

But, as y'all know, I've been living a paleo lifestyle since the beginning of August 2011. And this paleo lifestyle has helped me shed some unwanted poundage. It's given me more energy and made me feel better. Also, moving to Washington, D.C....and then to Seattle, WA both forced me to walk a TON. No car = walk everywhere. Even when you ride public transportation, you're still walking lots and lots. And let me tell you, Seattle has HILLS. Many of them. So, the walking has helped me feel better as well...and shed some more unwanted poundage.

So, I've always envied people who enjoy running. I've wished I could be that person who feels free and energized by running. I love the thought of just jogging on beautiful trails and seeing the sights of the world while getting my heart rate up and giving my body its needed exercise. But like I said, I was never that person.

I had heard of the Couch to 5K program a few times before, but I always felt too lazy to try it. The thought of running overwhelmed me. Totally intimidated me...and really, terrified me. But finally, a friend suggested it when I told her I'd always secretly wanted to be a runner, and she said, "Just do the Couch to 5K program. You can do anything for 10 weeks. If you don't like running at the end of 10 weeks...give it up." At this point in my life, I finally felt like my body had the energy and ability to start running.

So I did, slowly...but surly. I didn't give up. I pushed through. I had some stuff come up here and there that would disrupt my schedule...but I forced myself to stick with it and keep going.

And I made it. I made it to my 5K. I really can't put into words the ENORMOUS accomplishment this is for me. There just aren't words for it. I'm not a physical person. I never do physical things. My physical abilities and attributes have always been a big part of my lack of confidence and my self loathing.

And thus...I cried at the finish line of my 5K. Kayleen jogged the whole way with me. She could have finished much faster than I, but she wanted to do it with me. When we got toward the end, she asked if she could sprint ahead so she could take a picture of me crossing the finish line. I liked that idea. So, as I jogged that last little bit alone, I was able to think and ponder on all the hard work that brought me to that moment. The encouragement from friends and family. The sacrifice of my time. The pain at times. And, as I came up to the entrance of the stadium near the Space Needle and heard Kelly Clarkson booming out of the loud speakers "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" and saw all these people cheering everyone on at the end....the tears began to fill my eyes. I'm crying right now just thinking about it. But, I didn't let my crying last long, because I wanted to look somewhat presentable for the pictures at the end. :) Don't you love how vanity gets in the way of beautiful emotion? Ah...to be a girl.

Anywho...it was a beautiful feeling. One I imagine feeling when I get to hug the Savior at the finish line of this life.

You don't have any enemies.

"You don't have any enemies. Everyone is on your side." - Michael Caine

We watched a how-to-act documentary in my film production class today. Mainly to get pointers as a director, how to help actors achieve what you want them to achieve.

The teacher of the documentary was Michael Caine (in movies such as Batman, Second Hand Lions and many others). He was teaching actors how to become vulnerable...how to be the very best actor they could be. And those are the words that struck me hardest.

"You don't have any enemies. Everyone is on your side."

I feel like these words are super profound...not just with acting, but with life in general. As he spoke those words, the thought came to my head "I'd succeed at everything I attempted in life, if only I had that mindset."

Many times, I walk around worried about what people are thinking about me. Worried that I'll mess up and someone will pounce on my mistakes. This is partially why it's so exhausting to be in my brain. I never quite think I'm good enough...which makes me think others will never quite think I'm good enough. And often, that can mess with my true abilities. If I'm constantly worried I'll mess up or that someone will pounce on me, how can I truly be free to live...to be the best me I can be? I can't be my best if I'm constantly afraid of failure.

The Atonement makes it possible for me to live as though I don't have enemies. The Savior is on my side. He doesn't pounce on me when I fail. He doesn't yell at me or say "YOU LOSER." No, He lifts me up. He shows me the way. He asks me to try again.

I need to walk around with the idea that I don't have any enemies. That everyone is on my side. Because Christ is on my side, and He's the most important of them all.

When my brain takes a nose-dive

My sister tells me that it would be exhausting to be in my head...or to have my thoughts. She's telling me....

I went home this weekend, and my niece wanted to go shopping in South East Portland at some retro, vintage shops and then get something to eat at the food carts or something in celebration of her birthday. Sounded like fun. I tagged along, as well as did my mom and Chuck and some other family members.

I loved the vintage store, and really love the prices of all the items at the vintage store. I soon had my hands full of about 5 or 6 things. When everyone started to leave, my mom and I began counting up the costs of my items. It all equaled out to somewhere between $50 and $60.

Because it was over $50, my brain went into panic mode. I'm not sure what it is about the number 50...but when you couple it with a dollar sign, I start to freak out. If things are under $50, or right at $50...I'm usually okay, but over $50 and I think I'm going bankrupt.

I could actually use new clothes, as I'm losing weight. And, these things were super cheap. But as I stand there, trying to decide if I should buy the one item that was pushing the cost past $50, I saw my life flash before my eyes.

I started to panic. I thought, "If I buy this jacket, I may not be able to afford, rent, or I'll have to dip into my school money, and then I won't be able to afford school." I started to calculate my income, accounting for tithing and taxes, and I began to seriously hyperventilate, wondering if I'd be making $12.50/hr for the rest of my life...and having to worry about buying a USED jacket for a REALLY DECENT price forever.

My mind was seriously running like crazy, but I just couldn't make up my mind on whether to buy the jacket or not. It was a good jacket. A cute jacket. An amazing deal. A jacket I would look good in and would get a lot of use out of. But, as I freaked out in my head...and through many facial expressions, I'm sure...along with a few words (but not many)...my mom just eventually grabbed the jacket from me and said, "This jacket isn't worth the stress it's causing you." And she hung it back up.

But the damage had been done. I walked over to the check-out lady, and it took all my energy to focus on her and paste a smile on my face as she tried to make chit-chat and tell me they no longer offer platic bags...but she'd charge me $2 for a bag if I'd like. I smiled, said "whatever" as I imagined myself crawling into a cardboard box on the side of a dirty road.

In other news....

I make a horrible single Mormon woman. I do not enjoy FHE or ward activities. They give me anxiety, and I just feel like they're not worth the physical and mental pain they cause me.