"As today’s American culture continues to create a sex driven atmosphere, influencing the thoughts and behavior of young people throughout the country, we must keep the safety and needs of our youth at heart..." blah blah blah. What I'd like to know is whatever happened to my Saturdays? Instead of being mine, they've been turned over to the towering piles of school work that supposedly prepare me for my future career.
Saturday is no longer a day of play, but instead I use it as a day to swim to the surface for a few breaths of air only to be shoved back under the water for the next 6 days until the next Saturday rolls around. My lung capacity has expanded, with all the work that seems to come my way Monday through Friday, but no time to complete it during those days. Thus, here I am, at the library, on my ex-play-day to write an extremely intense persuasive paper on the pros and necessity of comprehensive sex education. This topic has consumed my brain for the past...FOREVER. Last Saturday was devoted to researching and writing a 5 page OUTLINE for the debate I had to perform on Monday covering this topic. Today is lovingly devoted to the 2,000-3,000 word paper on the same subject. My outline for this topic alone was over 1,000 words. I'm not too worried about the length of my paper (in all reality, 2,000 words is not that long,) but more about the quality of my writing. I haven't written a complete persuasive/research paper in YEARS. I wouldn't be too terribly worried except for the fact that I really enjoy this class and appreciate the teacher, therefore I want to do my absolute best.
Anywho...there goes my Saturdays from here on out. No more playing for me. Luckily I enjoy writing and hope to do it professionally one day, so I guess I'd better get used to this. :)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Feeling Dad
I don't get to see my dad, but I do get to feel him sometimes. He died September 30th 1993 - 16 years ago. My dad is not a dream; he is not a figment of my imagination. He is a real man and I know him.
Sometimes I compare my dad to Heavenly Father. I was with him once, but as time passes my memories fade. My whole life I have heard, "Crystal, you have the most amazing memory." Wouldn't you...if someone so dear to you suddenly disappeared? I remember lying in bed after he died, going over and over in my mind each unique memory I had of him. Him holding Kayleen and me with one arm as we giggled hysterically while desperately trying to escape from his grasp. Him yelling "BED!!!" and we 3 would run upstairs to his water bed where we magically turned into airplanes on his feet and his knees became a slide. Him shouting "Tickle Monster!!!" and once again we'd giggle and squeal as he chased us through the halls and around the furniture. I remember going on a special trip, just me and dad, while he led the military men and their families on a canoe/camping adventure. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of my mother shrieking, "Brian! Brian!" and wandering into the room only to behold my strong dad being overcome by tremendous shaking, face blue/purple and tongue badly bitten by his own chomping. I remember when they shaved his head. I remember when he could no longer chase us around, but instead gimped after us with the left side of his body lifeless. I remember his 4-legged cane, and using it as a microphone. I remember practicing for my baptism in our living room-he only had the use of one arm. I remember my baptism, with my dad holding me close to him with one arm while his younger brother supported him from behind as to not let him go down with me. I remember doing flash cards with him and reading the Bible with him. I remember family home evening on the order and language of prayer.
He's not gone. He's still alive. For now, his spirit, but one day he will reunite with his body thanks to the Atonement and Resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I feel my dad sometimes. I really do. Not often, but he's there. As one of my companions would always say, "Remember the team that surrounds you." My dad is part of that team. I will remember and look forward to the future.
Sometimes I compare my dad to Heavenly Father. I was with him once, but as time passes my memories fade. My whole life I have heard, "Crystal, you have the most amazing memory." Wouldn't you...if someone so dear to you suddenly disappeared? I remember lying in bed after he died, going over and over in my mind each unique memory I had of him. Him holding Kayleen and me with one arm as we giggled hysterically while desperately trying to escape from his grasp. Him yelling "BED!!!" and we 3 would run upstairs to his water bed where we magically turned into airplanes on his feet and his knees became a slide. Him shouting "Tickle Monster!!!" and once again we'd giggle and squeal as he chased us through the halls and around the furniture. I remember going on a special trip, just me and dad, while he led the military men and their families on a canoe/camping adventure. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of my mother shrieking, "Brian! Brian!" and wandering into the room only to behold my strong dad being overcome by tremendous shaking, face blue/purple and tongue badly bitten by his own chomping. I remember when they shaved his head. I remember when he could no longer chase us around, but instead gimped after us with the left side of his body lifeless. I remember his 4-legged cane, and using it as a microphone. I remember practicing for my baptism in our living room-he only had the use of one arm. I remember my baptism, with my dad holding me close to him with one arm while his younger brother supported him from behind as to not let him go down with me. I remember doing flash cards with him and reading the Bible with him. I remember family home evening on the order and language of prayer.
He's not gone. He's still alive. For now, his spirit, but one day he will reunite with his body thanks to the Atonement and Resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I feel my dad sometimes. I really do. Not often, but he's there. As one of my companions would always say, "Remember the team that surrounds you." My dad is part of that team. I will remember and look forward to the future.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Service
I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but I have the greatest roommates this semester. I've never had such a diverse, yet calm, mature, and happy group of girls before. My room roommate, Naomi, is a doll. Every day I come home to find some little surprise act of service she's done for me.
One of my favorite sweatshirts is my senior sweatshirt from Westview Highscool, 2003. I wear that thing sooooo much and several months ago the front pocket finally ripped causing it to hang down which kind of made it look like I was wearing a diaper. :) Haha...I'd usually only wear it when I was sick after that happened. But, I'd still wear it none-the-less.
One day, I came home to find this!
Naomi had SEWN the pocket back up! It now looks BRAND NEW...except for the stains it's acquired over the past 6 years. :)
Lately, I haven't had any time to do laundry. Don't worry...I'm staying on top of it with the essentials, BUT some things, take my work clothes for example, get really dirty really easily and it's hard to keep up with them. After spending several hours at the library tonight, I came home to this!
She was HAND washing my work clothes! Oh Naomi Klingler...she's an ANGEL.
One of my favorite sweatshirts is my senior sweatshirt from Westview Highscool, 2003. I wear that thing sooooo much and several months ago the front pocket finally ripped causing it to hang down which kind of made it look like I was wearing a diaper. :) Haha...I'd usually only wear it when I was sick after that happened. But, I'd still wear it none-the-less.
One day, I came home to find this!
Naomi had SEWN the pocket back up! It now looks BRAND NEW...except for the stains it's acquired over the past 6 years. :)
Lately, I haven't had any time to do laundry. Don't worry...I'm staying on top of it with the essentials, BUT some things, take my work clothes for example, get really dirty really easily and it's hard to keep up with them. After spending several hours at the library tonight, I came home to this!
She was HAND washing my work clothes! Oh Naomi Klingler...she's an ANGEL.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Beautiful?
I'm sure most people have seen this before. But it was recently brought to my attention once again in my Mass Media class. We seriously need to stop comparing ourselves with the world and media's idea of "true" beauty.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Word Vomit
Today, in my persuasion class, I made a HUGE fool of myself.
We are often given situations, court cases, "what ifs" and so on and so forth for us as a class to analyze and discuss using the tools we've been taught and given. We are usually broken up into specific groups and have to argue our point logically and then come to a clear, logical conclusion with many facts pointing to that conclusion. Passion and emotion often lend to the convincing process and conclusion, but should not be the leading factors in persuading or coming to a specific conclusion.
Today, we were arguing a true case of a man being sentenced to death for murder in the state of Virginia. This man was an accomplice to another man, and the two of them went into a store, chose a man, followed him to his car, held him at gunpoint in his car and demanded his money. Then, directed him to an ATM at gunpoint, and demanded more money from him. Once they received the money, they drove him out to a field where they shot him 8 times, obviously killing him. The man we were discussing was Atkin. He, from much evidence researched and presented, was determined mildly mentally retarded. His IQ tested to be severely low, and he had a few other social handicaps. He, according to research, had the mental capacity of a 9-12 year old. He also, however, knew what he did was wrong, and doctors testified that he understood the criminal severity of his actions.
So, we were debating weather he should receive the death penalty, my teacher numbered us off, and I ended up in the prosecuting team. We had to prove why he should receive the death penalty. I was frustrated that our side was defeated from the beginning, nor were we given important information we needed to make a good case, such as the mental capacity of the other man involved. The info said nothing about the other man. We also didn't know anything about Atkin's living situation. For example, was he living on his own, did he shop for himself, did he pay bills? We didn't know any of this. We just knew his mental capacity from IQ testing.
Half way through I was so frustrated with the demonstration (especially because the apposing side was treating us as though we firmly believed what we were arguing with their looks and tone, when it was obviously a pretend trial) that I blurted out, "You know, I think it's impossible for us to even try to make a good case when we don't have all of the information available to us. We don't know what the other man involved is like...if he's just as "stupid" or not!" Yes. I said that. The word "stupid" in relation to a mildly mentally retarded man just flew out of my mouth. As I said this word I immediately felt HORRIBLE and like a complete moron, and it was obvious by everyone else's reactions (some laughed, some gasped, some had shocked faces) that they viewed me as an ignorant moron as well. It was the dumbest, worse thing I could say at that time, and my face immediately turned hot and bright red, and I started tripping over my words and finally said, "Now I feel completely stupid." Then my teacher said, "No, keep going, it's ok." And a friend of mine in the class said, "Don't be insecure."
Wow...it was awful. First of all, in NO way do I view people with mental disorders stupid. How that could fly out of my mouth...I'll never know. I know that some say what's deep inside a person will come out under pressure, and it sickens me to think that I would think that. I do NOT think that. The only conclusion I can come up with was how I felt during the moment. I was upset that we were set up to lose and that the class was treating us as though we should be stoned for the position we were holding. When I'm upset, sometimes things happen and the word "stupid" is often used, but this time it was used in a VERY wrong and inappropriate context.
Word vomit. I thought stuff like this doesn't happen in college. I thought embarrassing moments happen in middle school. Am I a late bloomer? I feel awful.
We are often given situations, court cases, "what ifs" and so on and so forth for us as a class to analyze and discuss using the tools we've been taught and given. We are usually broken up into specific groups and have to argue our point logically and then come to a clear, logical conclusion with many facts pointing to that conclusion. Passion and emotion often lend to the convincing process and conclusion, but should not be the leading factors in persuading or coming to a specific conclusion.
Today, we were arguing a true case of a man being sentenced to death for murder in the state of Virginia. This man was an accomplice to another man, and the two of them went into a store, chose a man, followed him to his car, held him at gunpoint in his car and demanded his money. Then, directed him to an ATM at gunpoint, and demanded more money from him. Once they received the money, they drove him out to a field where they shot him 8 times, obviously killing him. The man we were discussing was Atkin. He, from much evidence researched and presented, was determined mildly mentally retarded. His IQ tested to be severely low, and he had a few other social handicaps. He, according to research, had the mental capacity of a 9-12 year old. He also, however, knew what he did was wrong, and doctors testified that he understood the criminal severity of his actions.
So, we were debating weather he should receive the death penalty, my teacher numbered us off, and I ended up in the prosecuting team. We had to prove why he should receive the death penalty. I was frustrated that our side was defeated from the beginning, nor were we given important information we needed to make a good case, such as the mental capacity of the other man involved. The info said nothing about the other man. We also didn't know anything about Atkin's living situation. For example, was he living on his own, did he shop for himself, did he pay bills? We didn't know any of this. We just knew his mental capacity from IQ testing.
Half way through I was so frustrated with the demonstration (especially because the apposing side was treating us as though we firmly believed what we were arguing with their looks and tone, when it was obviously a pretend trial) that I blurted out, "You know, I think it's impossible for us to even try to make a good case when we don't have all of the information available to us. We don't know what the other man involved is like...if he's just as "stupid" or not!" Yes. I said that. The word "stupid" in relation to a mildly mentally retarded man just flew out of my mouth. As I said this word I immediately felt HORRIBLE and like a complete moron, and it was obvious by everyone else's reactions (some laughed, some gasped, some had shocked faces) that they viewed me as an ignorant moron as well. It was the dumbest, worse thing I could say at that time, and my face immediately turned hot and bright red, and I started tripping over my words and finally said, "Now I feel completely stupid." Then my teacher said, "No, keep going, it's ok." And a friend of mine in the class said, "Don't be insecure."
Wow...it was awful. First of all, in NO way do I view people with mental disorders stupid. How that could fly out of my mouth...I'll never know. I know that some say what's deep inside a person will come out under pressure, and it sickens me to think that I would think that. I do NOT think that. The only conclusion I can come up with was how I felt during the moment. I was upset that we were set up to lose and that the class was treating us as though we should be stoned for the position we were holding. When I'm upset, sometimes things happen and the word "stupid" is often used, but this time it was used in a VERY wrong and inappropriate context.
Word vomit. I thought stuff like this doesn't happen in college. I thought embarrassing moments happen in middle school. Am I a late bloomer? I feel awful.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Deep dark secrets
We all have deep dark secrets we would never want anyone to know...right? Tell me I'm right. Please tell me I'm not the only one. Well, I've been asking my roommates and my co-workers the same question and they all tell me, "yes, we all have our deep dark secrets we'd never want anyone to know." Now, the deepness of the darkness could be subjective if others did know about these secrets...most of the time something we think is extremely dark might not be so dark to someone else. But the fact of the matter is, most of us have some secret...even if we do wear our heart on our sleeves.
Well, at what point do we feel the desire or ability to share these secrets with trusted, close friends? And is this healthy...or should we never share our secrets? Now, obviously if these secrets are things that are keeping us from the Spirit, we'd have to clear these up through the Atonement. Sometimes these secrets are, and sometimes they aren't on this level. But they're usually things that are affecting or have seriously affected the person. Secrets can range anywhere from an action, a feeling, a thought, a desire, a mistake, a belief...and possibly others I've never considered before. I've been the receiver of secrets in the past. People have confided in me things that have been hard, heartbreaking, and unbearable for them at times...things that they usually do not share with just anyone. And I've appreciated the chance to possibly take a bit of their burden and sadness...to cry with them, ache with them, and love them.
Well, like everyone, I have my own secrets. Don't worry, I'm not going to reveal them in the world of blogging for all to see. I have revealed them to a choice few in the past...for what reason, I'm not quite sure. Probably for some kind of reassurance, love and understanding from someone here in the flesh. Very recently I shared them with someone who I am becoming very close with. While she showed me sympathy, concern, and love, something in me is regretting my act of sharing. This person with whom I'm becoming close with is someone I haven't trusted my whole life. There's a LOT of baggage with this person and other peoples surrounding her but recently I have been able to overcome my mistrust and am really starting to love this individual, a TON. So, for whatever reason, I felt compelled to share with her my secrets. Probably because I felt as though she would understand, which it seems as though she did. But I'm still worried. I hope it doesn't backfire on me. I hate getting salt rubbed in my wounds.
So, if you have any thoughts on the matter, feel free to share them with me. Even if your thoughts are, "I would never trust anyone with my secrets." What do you think? Is it healthy...or a stupid thing to do? I suppose I'll find out.
Well, at what point do we feel the desire or ability to share these secrets with trusted, close friends? And is this healthy...or should we never share our secrets? Now, obviously if these secrets are things that are keeping us from the Spirit, we'd have to clear these up through the Atonement. Sometimes these secrets are, and sometimes they aren't on this level. But they're usually things that are affecting or have seriously affected the person. Secrets can range anywhere from an action, a feeling, a thought, a desire, a mistake, a belief...and possibly others I've never considered before. I've been the receiver of secrets in the past. People have confided in me things that have been hard, heartbreaking, and unbearable for them at times...things that they usually do not share with just anyone. And I've appreciated the chance to possibly take a bit of their burden and sadness...to cry with them, ache with them, and love them.
Well, like everyone, I have my own secrets. Don't worry, I'm not going to reveal them in the world of blogging for all to see. I have revealed them to a choice few in the past...for what reason, I'm not quite sure. Probably for some kind of reassurance, love and understanding from someone here in the flesh. Very recently I shared them with someone who I am becoming very close with. While she showed me sympathy, concern, and love, something in me is regretting my act of sharing. This person with whom I'm becoming close with is someone I haven't trusted my whole life. There's a LOT of baggage with this person and other peoples surrounding her but recently I have been able to overcome my mistrust and am really starting to love this individual, a TON. So, for whatever reason, I felt compelled to share with her my secrets. Probably because I felt as though she would understand, which it seems as though she did. But I'm still worried. I hope it doesn't backfire on me. I hate getting salt rubbed in my wounds.
So, if you have any thoughts on the matter, feel free to share them with me. Even if your thoughts are, "I would never trust anyone with my secrets." What do you think? Is it healthy...or a stupid thing to do? I suppose I'll find out.
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