Comm Therapy

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Without the Name Tag

I've realized, over the last couple of days, that I've walked into a war zone by signing up to work for Morality In Media/Porn Harms. I've never had a job that was so passionately involved with a controversial topic, that we're basically putting our reputation, personality, and even lives on the line in some cases. Now, that may sound drastic to some, but you don't know the kind of threats we receive over the phone, mail, and our facebook and YouTube pages. If ever one of those threats were to turn into reality, it would not be a pretty picture.

The last two days of my life were a different kind of test.

I had to attend a massive Christian convention here in D.C. on Thursday and Friday. This convention was a meeting for pastors and preachers all over the world, to come together and discuss relevant topics in today's world.

Religion plays a big role in Morality In Media's fight against pornography, and while we're trying to reach all audiences, religious leaders seem to want to get on board with our efforts of informing people of the dangers and harms of pornography more than most people. So, we arranged to have a booth at this conference, in order to pass out pamphlets, facts, and talk about this issue with the hundreds of religious leaders who were in attendance.

First off, it was an eye opener for me to see how many pastors would glance at our table, avoid eye contact, and quickly walk in a different direction. I didn't realize how uncomfortable this topic would be, even among leaders of the Christian faith. It took actual courage for me to approach people with a pamphlet...to ask them if pornography was an issue in their congregation, and if so, what they were doing to address it. We offered resources for help. Ideas on how to approach the topic. Encouraged people not to be condemning, but to realize it's an addiction, and one that many people want to overcome. I was nervous...it wasn't as easy as I expected...and I came to understand that this is a bigger struggle and problem than I had ever realized.

The second part of this two-day test came extremely unexpectedly...a major test of my faith and character. Who would I be without my missionary name tag?

As all you faithful readers know, I served my 18-month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Mississippi and Louisiana. While there, it was not uncommon for me to be yelled at, told I was a Satin-worshiper, called names and preached at as to why I was going to hell and how I was leading others to hell, sworn at, kicked out of people's homes because I was tainting people's children with lies, told I did not believe in Jesus Christ...and much more. I grew used to it. I had my common responses and would usually just move on, trying not to engage in arguments (TRYING...key word there.) :)

This conference was like being thrust back into that part of my mission. Why? Because, the booth right NEXT to our booth was the truelife.org booth, a tool to teach Baptist Christians how they can spread the gospel and fight anti-gospel things. One of their "anti-gospel" topics is....yes....Mormonism. They have videos about Mormonism, how Mormons are wrong and how to avoid them.

Most of Thursday and all of Friday, the founder of truelife.org focused on the Mormonism topic the entire time, looping the Mormonism video, loudly blaring the audio for all to hear...facts about why Mormonism is not true Christianity. While the video wasn't necessarily mean, it wasn't fully correct (obviously). And more offensive than the video, was the way in which the founder of truelife.org was talking about the video and explaining it to pastors who would stop and watch. He was disrespectful and rude...making fun of Mormon beliefs.

All of Thursday I battled with myself...Do I tell this man I'm Mormon? Is that my job? I'm here to spread the message of the harm of pornography, and right now, people are listening to us. If people were to find out I'm a Mormon (and so is the executive director of our organization) then many of these pastors and preachers wouldn't listen to a word we say.

The Morality In Media staff is diverse in religion. We have the Catholic faith represented, the Jewish faith represented, the Latter-day Saint faith represented, and the Evangelical Christan faith represented. We all have differing faiths, yet we come together to fight pornography. But many of the pastors at this conference would not come together with us if they knew we had Mormons and Jewish representatives.

I discussed this with Tammy, my Jewish co-worker. I wanted so badly to say something to this man. She said, "Crystal, right now you're a representative of Morality In Media. If by tomorrow afternoon you still want to say something, then say it then. But try to restrain yourself until that time. We need to get this message out to as many people as will listen, without causing barriers."

I decided she was right. I could still stand as a representative of Christ throughout the conference, and when the time was right, I could share my faith with this man and his colleagues at our neighboring booth.

Thursday and Friday passed, and there came a point when it was time. I walked up to him and said, "Jesse, I wouldn't feel honest and true if I didn't tell you something before this conference comes to a close. I'm a Mormon. You've been blaring this anti-Mormon video for the past two days...I haven't said anything. But I'm saying something now. I'm a Mormon."

He was baffled. At first he thought I was joking with him. He had talked to me a lot, just assuming I believed everything he did. He had never really addressed the "issue" of Mormonism with me...had he done so prior, I would have filled him in on my religion then. But as I was filling him in, he was speechless.

He then apologized and told me he hoped he hadn't offended me. He just loves Mormons so much, he wants to show them the error of their ways and help them come to the truth. He explained (after I asked him the purpose of the video) that the video has a two-fold purpose. After asking him if our religion was such a threat to him and his faith that he felt the need to make a video about Mormonism in order to pass out to pastors and teachers, he said, "No...no Mormons are not a threat. Well...the truth is...the majority of your converts are previous Baptists. That's what the numbers suggest. We're losing people to you, and people just don't understand that you are not Christians." First of all, I served in the South...so I'm not sure where he got his numbers. Baptists are not the church's number one converts. But maybe he meant that of all the churches Baptists leave for, Mormonism is the number one faith...from their angle.

Anyway, he then told me that his main audience, he hopes, are Mormons themselves. He asked me if I watched the video...what I thought of it, and if it was accurate. I told him I had watched some, not all, and my reasoning for that is to understand what people like him actually think I believe. He asked me what I thought was incorrect. While many things were distorted and misrepresented in the video, I took the most issue with the explanation that we feel we work our way to Heaven....downplaying the role of Jesus Christ. So I told him so.

I said, "To say that I believe I can work my way to Heaven...that's just a plain lie, and actually quite insulting. I can do NOTHING without Jesus Christ and I'm sad that you don't understand that. Jesus Christ is the reason for everything. He saved me. I wouldn't be anywhere without His suffering. I do not believe I can work my way to Heaven. And the way I see works, why wouldn't or shouldn't I want to DO good, if I love my Savior?? I want to be like Him, follow His teachings. That's just a lie to downplay how much we rely on the Savior's sacrifice. It's just a lie."

The man could not think. He honestly could not think of a thing to say. He was surprised, overwhelmed and kept stumbling over his words. Not much was said after that. We hugged, went back to our booths...and that was pretty much it.

I'm getting emotional as I type this out, because it was seriously a major faith-building experience for me. What will I say with no name tag? Can I tell when the appropriate time is to say something? How can I express myself passionately, but in a calm and loving manor? I feel good about how it all happened, and I'm thankful for the Spirit.

I know that man is a good man. I could feel it. He's just trying to figure everything out. I doubt he'll ever forget our interaction. I know I won't.

If anyone reads this, who doesn't know what I believe, let me tell you. I know, that without Jesus Christ, I'm a broken person. Christ is who makes me whole. He heals me on a daily basis. I've struggled a lot, with so very many things. But it's my Savior who helps me overcome. I am not working my way to Heaven. If I was, I'd never get there. There's no possible way. I need the Savior. To be honest, I've tried working my way to Heaven...just because, I was a lost individual with a hurting soul. I didn't understand the atonement. I just kept thinking there was no hope, because I could never be perfect. I would never get there. I didn't understand what my Savior could do for me, but I know now. I don't have to do a dang thing for my Savior to love me. He already does...and he already did suffer, die, and rise again...for me. Why do I do? Because I love Him. Because life is about choices. Because I have agency, and I choose to follow Him. Because faith is an action word. Because I want to refine my soul. Because I want to be like Him. Because I want to bring others to Him. Because I love Him. That's why I do.

Feeling nostalgic...

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today. And yesterday. I've just got to say, I really love my brother and sister.

I've had so many good times with these two.

And, I can't leave this lovely addition out.

Bobby's added a great measure of happiness to my life.

Sometimes I miss the days right after I returned home from my mission. Bobby and Kayleen became my best friends. We'd have family dinner every Sunday night, and then we'd go back to Bobby's place and watch a movie...every Sunday night. We had many nights of sushi or happy hour and Standford's. Those were good days. Many of my happiest days are tied to them. Sitting in the temple, watching them be sealed to one another and to God, happy happy day. That day was one of my best...which is funny, because it was THEIR wedding day. :)

And, of course, Perry's birth. Seriously another best day ever. I remember sitting down the hall from Kayleen's room with Kevin, and we could hear Perry's first cries. I'll always remember the look between Kevin and I as we heard her first cry. It was incredible...and I'm glad Kevin and I got to be there for our little niece's entry into the world.

I'm super thankful for my family. I love where I'm at in life. I feel confident, able and I feel like I'm progressing toward goodness. But I do miss my family, and I think...somewhere down the road, I'll end up closer to them again.

Try this.

I dare you. I DARE you to try this recipe.

You will be a changed human being. You will. I'm serious.

Stuffed Sweet Acorn Squash (or stuffed peppers)

2-3 peppers (cored)

1 lb ground beef or mix of beef, sausage and turkey

1 chopped onion

1 finely chopped apple

½ cup chopped craisins

¼ cup chopped nuts (I use pecans usually)

1 tsp thyme

1 tsp oregano

½ tsp sage  (I use 1 heaping tsp of poultry seasoning)

Coconut oil

Salt, pepper

If using squash, preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Cut the squash in half, and scoop out the seeds and any stringy stuff.  Place the squash cut side up in a large baking pan, and put a tablespoon of water in each “cup” and pour ¼ cup of water into the bottom of the pan.  Loosely “tent” the pan with aluminum foil and bake for 30-35 minutes.  Prepare filling while squash is baking.

If using peppers, after cutting off the tops and coring them, place whole peppers into a pan of boiling water and cook for about 5-10 minutes.  Remove from water and place in a baking dish open side up.

Filling:  Chop onion, apple, pecans and craisins.  Saute the beef and onion in a little coconut oil for 2-3 minutes, then add pecans, craisins, apples and herbs.  Add salt and pepper.  Do not completely cook this mixture.  Fill peppers or squash; they will be overflowing and that’s okay.  Bake uncovered for 15-20 minutes in a slightly reduced heat oven (about 375).

FYI: You do not need coconut oil. I used a little olive oil. AND, use a mixture of meat. It makes it that much tastier. (I use sausage and hamburger.) But if you don't use a mixture, no worries; it will still change you're life.

Open Doors

I've jumped on a wave, and I'm riding it.

Life is busy here in DC. Good and busy.

Here's the gist on my job.

This is not the job I talked about in my last post. No...this job is completely different. The job in my last post was a major long shot. I got the interview because of the LDS listserve. Someone posted the opening, I contacted her about it, she hooked me up, and I got an interview. I, however, was not skilled enough. It was an editing position in the marketing/advertisement department of Navy National Credit Union. Let's be honest. I'm not an editor. I do know many more rules of grammar than the average person, but it is not my favorite part of writing. It's the "math" of English and written communication...and I prefer the creative side of writing. Plus, this was editing of marketing material, which is actually extremely different from editing prose or articles. I really wanted a job in my "field" but I was apprehensive about taking the editing job (if it were offered to me) because I didn't want to get trapped in the math of of communication.

Well, I was not offered the job. But it didn't even phase me, because another, more appealing door opened before I was even supposed to hear back from the first door.

Last Monday I saw another post on the listserve. It was an invitation for a two-day temp. job stuffing envelopes at Morality In Media, a nonprofit organization that fights against pornography. I had seen a posting a few days earlier regarding an open position in that same organization. I had contemplated applying for it, but wasn't sure I was fully qualified. I decided to participate in the temp work, and while there I talked to the Executive Director about the job opening. It was still open. We sat down and had an interview right there. She liked me...a lot. So I sent her my resume that night. The next day, I showed up for day two of temp work, and she offered me the position, and she asked me to start that day.

I've wanted to work for a nonprofit organization for a while. It's been something I've thought about ever since starting my communication journey. Nonprofits provide TONS of opportunity for growth, learning different aspects of the business...and tons of chances to use communication skills. This job will open LOTS of doors and give me tons of experience. I'll be heading up the communication aspect, making contacts with the media, writing letters of inquiry and grant proposals, letters to donors, press releases and even articles for newspapers. I'll also be helping with the funding aspect of the organization, organizing funding efforts, researching different foundations and figuring out to whom we need to send grant proposals, who we should follow up with...so on a so forth. It's really going to push me, teach me...and I'm super excited about it.

Doors are opening...and I'm walking through them. :)

Oi to the Vey

TIRED.

I had an interview today.

It was far away.

I figured out the metro stuff...

But I didn't understand the bus stuff.

So I walked the rest of the way. For one HOUR.

The humidity and my sweat caused my hair to rebel.

The dew in the grass (and not enough sidewalks) caused my shoes to get wet and grassy.

But it looked like my mission, so that was fun!

Ant hills and everything. :)

I walked into the interview looking like a HOT MESS. Literally. I felt the need to apologize for my appearance, especially my hair. So...I did.

I then walked back to the metro station. I got lost, so this took me longer than walking to the interview....probably an hour and a half.

I found a 711 and bought these. Two for three dollars.

I then got off on the wrong stop. Had to wait several minutes for the next metro line. And finally made it home.

I left the house at 7:30 a.m. and made it home at 2:15 p.m. The interview lasted 1 hour and 15 minutes. My legs hurt.

But I'm happy!

And now I get to walk 30 minutes to look at an apartment I might possibly rent.

Between all the walking and no money for food, I'm gonna get sooooooooo skinny. ;)

I think I'm going to scream

Sometimes...okay, all the time, I get a little frustrated with the mindset of many people in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Let me preface this post by saying, I believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the church Jesus Christ established on the earth when He walked the earth and the church that He instructed Joseph Smith to restore. I believe the Gospel that is taught within the church buildings (and outside) is true, and I believe God's authority resides in this church. I do NOT, however...do NOT believe the people of the church are perfect...or even know what the *hay* they're talking about half the time.

So, with that said, I will continue with my post.

This blog will probably make me sound extremely frustrated. In all actuality, I'm not half as frustrated as my writing will probably lead you to believe. But, my frustration does go in spurts, so...whatever that means.

Women are treated like ticking time bombs...or, maybe a better comparison, ripening fruit. Temple marriage, coupled with motherhood is the END ALL BE ALL of this life. You have arrived once these two things take place. Until then...each year that passes without these two things happening causes you to ripen, blossom...and ultimately rot. In everyone's minds (yes...I'm overstating), you're just filling time until those things happen. You can't honestly enjoy your life...you're just biding time...hoping, praying, yearning for these things to happen.

How many times have you heard someone give a talk or a lesson in church who says, "All our children served full-time missions and are now sealed in the temple." They say this as if it's some trophy they can raise up to the world. Look at how GREAT my parenting skills are!!! We made it! We got our children to the freakin' finish line!!!

First of all, that's not the finish line. Second, does that mean my mom is a horrible mother? One of her children was married in the temple, but the other two...I may never marry, and Kevin may never serve a mission. Does that mean we're bad? Does that mean my mom is a bad mother? My step-dad is a bad father-figure?

Once, I attended the temple sealing and wedding reception of a good friend. She's younger than I am. As I was mingling at the wedding reception, I heard the bride's mother say, "Finally, my last one is married. I can breathe now. She's off my plate of responsibility," or something to that effect. Quite disturbing...for a 27-year-old single woman to hear that.

I especially get tired of needing to explain all of my life choices to people...on a daily basis, it seams. Once I've finished my explanation of how I'm spending my time here on earth, I hear a lot of "good-for-you's"...with tones of "I feel sad for you, but at least you're trying to make something of your life, since your main purpose doesn't seem to be a possibility." Seriously...that tone. Ohhhh, how it erks me.

I'm going to be perfectly HONEST. There have been very few times I felt like the "marriage type." Even when I was younger, I couldn't really grasp the idea of ever getting married. And quite frankly, I've never had a ton of options. I'm not a girl who turns boys' heads as I walk past. I'm not someone who is frequently asked out on dates. I can get dates...and usually, when I do, the boy sticks around for a while. But it's not as easy for me as it is for some women. I don't, nor have I ever (except for a brief time when the prospect of marriage was a reality for me) thought in terms of "pre-marriage/post-marriage." I am not biding my time until marriage and babies come into my life. I do not measure my worth on how many dates I get per year. And I do not worry about when I will get married or have babies.

Usually, if I do worry, I'm more worried about what other people are thinking about me. That's my biggest weakness. I don't like people to pity me...or look down on me...or wonder why I'm not married. Those are my worries...the thoughts of others. BUT, I'm rarely EVER worried about the actuality of those things happening, because I KNOW they will happen in the Lord's time. Whenever I pray about it (which is honestly a rare occurrence, because seriously...marriage is not on the forefront of my mind) I feel peace. I feel calm. I feel like I do not need to worry or stress about it, because the Lord's got it covered. It will happen when it's supposed to...and I just need to focus on becoming the best me, for me. And for the Lord. Not for boys...not to be more lovable by boys. But to be more Godlike. More loving and understanding of other people. To be HAPPY with myself!

So when people approach me with that tone...that "gosh it must be hard not to be fulfilling your divine destiny as a wife and a mother" tone...I just want to scream. Either that or walk away. Because I just don't have the energy to try and educate 85% of the Mormon population on the fact that I'm seriously okay...and I don't spend every waking minute thinking about how I'm single.

Maybe, if you all print this blog post out, and read it to the people you encounter...you can do the work for me. :)

I'm so excited for D.C. I'm excited to live on my own far away from everything I know, to further my education in a field I'm passionate about, to make new friends and meet a diverse group of people...to live MY life...the life God has given me!