The truth is...

Just because I post on Facebook frequently does not mean you *speaking in general terms* know me.

Just because I post pictures of New York does not mean my life is amazingly exciting.

Just because I'm always positive on Facebook does not mean I'm never negative.

Just because I talk about Paleo on Facebook does not mean I don't eat treats on a regular occurrence.

Just because my life doesn't have your problems does not mean it does not have problems.


Let me tell you who does know me.

The people who choose to talk to me outside of Facebook land. I have one friend here in Seattle, who completely left Facebook for several months. She came back for a week and then just realized it wasn't for her and left again. Do you know who I turned to yesterday when I basically had a panic attack about my life...its lack of direction and (what I was feeling at the time) lack of meaningful relationships? S, my non-Facebook friend.

S immediately befriended me when I moved to Seattle. Immediately. She was not in the Relief Society presidency. She was not in any sort of leadership calling. She was not my visiting teacher. And she was not a non-popular girl (yes, I'm speaking in high school terms, because...let's be honest, remaining single in the LDS scene reverts you back to high school.) S is known by all. She's funny, liked, knows everybody and everybody knows her. So, I wasn't her desperate attempt at making an only friend. She already had friends. She didn't need me.

I had a wall up when I moved to Seattle. I'd go to church with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. "I'm tired of having to make friends. It's exhausting, you have to make small-talk, you have to beat around the bush several times before you can start talking about real stuff...then you do talk about real stuff and they get married and you have to start all over again." That's what I told myself. And because of that, I had a bit of a "I DON'T CARE" sign on my forehead. Actually, not a bit of one...a big one. For that reason AND because I had heard about something called "The Seattle Freeze," where it's known that the long-time Seattle people freeze out the new-timers...never inviting them to anything and making them feel left out and loser-ish...I put the "I DON'T CARE" sign up frequently...to protect myself, of course. *Don't you wish you were single again? I'm sure you're just thinking "MAN that sounds so fun and mature!" This type of thing occurs everywhere. Utah. Idaho. Washington D.C. Seattle.*

Over the past year, S somehow managed to remove that sign from my forehead. She'd randomly drop by the house where I lived, chatting with me and my roommates. Asking us to accompany her to get some hot chocolate or go camping or whatever. She'd throw little parties and always include me....WHEN SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME. Seriously, the first month I was in Seattle, she threw a little get-together and invited me to it...sending me a private message (back when she was on Facebook) telling me how much she'd love for me to come. I didn't go, because I still had the sign up. But that didn't stop her from trying.

Then one day we figured out we rode the same bus into downtown in the mornings. I would always listen to my music on the bus...and never wanted her to think I actually cared if she sat by me, so the first few weeks, I'd always let her come to me...just to make sure she actually did want to talk in the mornings. (I have insecurities that I usually don't make apparent.) And, she always did. She'd see me, move toward the back of the bus where I was, sit down and start talking. And it was then...those mornings on the bus, that I finally...FINALLY removed the "I DON'T CARE" sign from my forehead.

We no longer ride the same bus, because I moved...but we've kept our friendship strong.

S saved me from myself...from my insecurities, my frustrations, my pessimism...that were all keeping me from making friends.

So, yesterday, when I had a melt down...who did I turn to? Roommates were gone, I was bawling. I texted S and headed to her house. She had no idea it would be a melt-down session, so when I asked if I could come over she was like, "Absolutely!" I go inside her house and immediately start to cry and she says something like, "Oh...okay. It's one of those days. Have a seat. Put up your feet. I'll go get my really soft tissues." And for the next hour and a half, we cried together.

I love S. She's an angel. She's had bad days too, of course. It's not all one-sided. I've listened to her in times of distress. But the point is, she and I would not be friends if it had been left up to me. I'm ashamed to say it, but seriously...we would not have been friends. She magically broke down my wall, and I took down the sign.

I am so thankful for people who listen to the promptings of the Spirit. I'm thankful for small miracles. For unseen angels. For the team that surrounds us, even when we don't know they're there. They are there. God knows us. He doesn't just see what we put on Facebook for people to see...He sees everything. And I'm thankful for that.