A title is too much pressure

I'm feeling the need to make a difference. Do something big. Make the world a better place.

I want to better my community. Or help a homeless young adult. Or be a support to someone who's fighting the battle of obesity.

I have a good job. I'm living the life of a single woman in a big city. I have friends, I have roommates, I have coworkers, I have insurance. I have a decent beginner's salary. But, right now, I feel like I don't have a lot of purpose.

I've made peace with the idea of being single for the remainder of this life. I know it's still very early to know for sure. But I think it's healthy to make peace with all possible situations. To be honest, if the possibility of marriage were to come along, I think I'd be very nervous...very apprehensive...very cautious. I've just been living with myself for so long (close to 29 years), and I feel like I still have so much to improve and learn about myself.

Anyway. I love Seattle. I really do. I love that I work in the city, in a tall beautiful building. I love that I commute into the city on the bus every day. I love that the city is surrounded by water. I love that I can smell the water as I walk through the city. I love people-watching. The other day, I watched as a man chased another man down to return the cell phone that had fallen out of the man's pocket. I love the good I see.

I don't love homelessness. I see it in its rawest form on a daily basis. People sleeping on streets in the morning. People with mental illness walking around...aimlessly, talking to themselves in clothes that wreak of day's worth of sweat and body odor. I hate it. I absolutely HATE it. I think what I hate the most is I can't do a DANG THING for them. I can give them money. I can talk to them...treat them like real people, because, after all...they are real people. They have parents, they once had a home...they have a story. But really, I can't do anything for them. And it seriously maddens me. I'm frustrated just thinking about it. How do I change it? I can't. I don't know how.

The thing is, friends...I need purpose in my life. I need to join a cause. Or...change a life. Or...I don't know, do something that can, in some very SMALL way, make up for the loss of motherhood. I realize I still have time to experience motherhood. But guys, if I don't get to experience it, I really need something to keep me selfless. And honestly, the job I'm in right now...working in HR...Compensation for a bank, well, it's not filling that need.

So, I need to do something. And I need to do it quick. I want to keep growing, progressing, loving, learning and improving. I don't want to get stuck. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to glide. I want to climb. I want to fly. And I want to use this life to help others climb and fly.