This feels familiar

This has happened to me so many times in my life...you'd think I'd get numb to the feeling. I made a dear friend in my current roommate, she's moving away, and I'm grieving the loss. I'm trying not to grieve prematurely, because she's not gone yet, but every time the subject of us moving out of our apartment is discussed, or her progress in the job hunt outside of this state is brought up...a little part of my heart hurts.

'Get over it' I tell myself. 'It's no biggie; you'll stay friends.' But it is a biggie. We will stay friends, but it will not be the same. And I'm tired of having to get over THIS scenario over and over again.

I have grown attached to so many people over the years...and then had to mourne the loss for one reason or another. Most of the time...marriage. Sometimes it's just a fork in the road and we choose different paths, which is what is happening now. She's tired of living in Seattle. I am not. Fork. Different directions.

It just gets tiring. This is why people get married. Well, one of the many reasons. Stabity, constant companionship, a forever someone. Sometimes I start to get comfortable in my make-shift family of friends and think, "Eh...what's the big deal? Who needs marriage and family?" And then my make-shift family falls apart...to progress or make their own REAL families...and I'm reminded, "Ahhhh, yes. Marriage and family is good. And I'm tired of being alone."

The upside of going through this so often is the fact that I have made so many DARN GOOD friends over the years. Buuuuuuut, I'm ready for some stability for my heart. Not to mentiom, just some physical stability. I have lived in a new place/apartment/house every year to year and a half over the past 12 years. I have not stayed in the same place longer than a year and a half! Tired. Tired of it.

My heart is ready to rest. It's ready to settle. It's ready for companionship that will last through the eternities. This is me being vulnerable. Internet world, I'M READY. Is anybody listenting?

:)

Goodnight.