Without the Name Tag

I've realized, over the last couple of days, that I've walked into a war zone by signing up to work for Morality In Media/Porn Harms. I've never had a job that was so passionately involved with a controversial topic, that we're basically putting our reputation, personality, and even lives on the line in some cases. Now, that may sound drastic to some, but you don't know the kind of threats we receive over the phone, mail, and our facebook and YouTube pages. If ever one of those threats were to turn into reality, it would not be a pretty picture.

The last two days of my life were a different kind of test.

I had to attend a massive Christian convention here in D.C. on Thursday and Friday. This convention was a meeting for pastors and preachers all over the world, to come together and discuss relevant topics in today's world.

Religion plays a big role in Morality In Media's fight against pornography, and while we're trying to reach all audiences, religious leaders seem to want to get on board with our efforts of informing people of the dangers and harms of pornography more than most people. So, we arranged to have a booth at this conference, in order to pass out pamphlets, facts, and talk about this issue with the hundreds of religious leaders who were in attendance.

First off, it was an eye opener for me to see how many pastors would glance at our table, avoid eye contact, and quickly walk in a different direction. I didn't realize how uncomfortable this topic would be, even among leaders of the Christian faith. It took actual courage for me to approach people with a pamphlet...to ask them if pornography was an issue in their congregation, and if so, what they were doing to address it. We offered resources for help. Ideas on how to approach the topic. Encouraged people not to be condemning, but to realize it's an addiction, and one that many people want to overcome. I was nervous...it wasn't as easy as I expected...and I came to understand that this is a bigger struggle and problem than I had ever realized.

The second part of this two-day test came extremely unexpectedly...a major test of my faith and character. Who would I be without my missionary name tag?

As all you faithful readers know, I served my 18-month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Mississippi and Louisiana. While there, it was not uncommon for me to be yelled at, told I was a Satin-worshiper, called names and preached at as to why I was going to hell and how I was leading others to hell, sworn at, kicked out of people's homes because I was tainting people's children with lies, told I did not believe in Jesus Christ...and much more. I grew used to it. I had my common responses and would usually just move on, trying not to engage in arguments (TRYING...key word there.) :)

This conference was like being thrust back into that part of my mission. Why? Because, the booth right NEXT to our booth was the truelife.org booth, a tool to teach Baptist Christians how they can spread the gospel and fight anti-gospel things. One of their "anti-gospel" topics is....yes....Mormonism. They have videos about Mormonism, how Mormons are wrong and how to avoid them.

Most of Thursday and all of Friday, the founder of truelife.org focused on the Mormonism topic the entire time, looping the Mormonism video, loudly blaring the audio for all to hear...facts about why Mormonism is not true Christianity. While the video wasn't necessarily mean, it wasn't fully correct (obviously). And more offensive than the video, was the way in which the founder of truelife.org was talking about the video and explaining it to pastors who would stop and watch. He was disrespectful and rude...making fun of Mormon beliefs.

All of Thursday I battled with myself...Do I tell this man I'm Mormon? Is that my job? I'm here to spread the message of the harm of pornography, and right now, people are listening to us. If people were to find out I'm a Mormon (and so is the executive director of our organization) then many of these pastors and preachers wouldn't listen to a word we say.

The Morality In Media staff is diverse in religion. We have the Catholic faith represented, the Jewish faith represented, the Latter-day Saint faith represented, and the Evangelical Christan faith represented. We all have differing faiths, yet we come together to fight pornography. But many of the pastors at this conference would not come together with us if they knew we had Mormons and Jewish representatives.

I discussed this with Tammy, my Jewish co-worker. I wanted so badly to say something to this man. She said, "Crystal, right now you're a representative of Morality In Media. If by tomorrow afternoon you still want to say something, then say it then. But try to restrain yourself until that time. We need to get this message out to as many people as will listen, without causing barriers."

I decided she was right. I could still stand as a representative of Christ throughout the conference, and when the time was right, I could share my faith with this man and his colleagues at our neighboring booth.

Thursday and Friday passed, and there came a point when it was time. I walked up to him and said, "Jesse, I wouldn't feel honest and true if I didn't tell you something before this conference comes to a close. I'm a Mormon. You've been blaring this anti-Mormon video for the past two days...I haven't said anything. But I'm saying something now. I'm a Mormon."

He was baffled. At first he thought I was joking with him. He had talked to me a lot, just assuming I believed everything he did. He had never really addressed the "issue" of Mormonism with me...had he done so prior, I would have filled him in on my religion then. But as I was filling him in, he was speechless.

He then apologized and told me he hoped he hadn't offended me. He just loves Mormons so much, he wants to show them the error of their ways and help them come to the truth. He explained (after I asked him the purpose of the video) that the video has a two-fold purpose. After asking him if our religion was such a threat to him and his faith that he felt the need to make a video about Mormonism in order to pass out to pastors and teachers, he said, "No...no Mormons are not a threat. Well...the truth is...the majority of your converts are previous Baptists. That's what the numbers suggest. We're losing people to you, and people just don't understand that you are not Christians." First of all, I served in the South...so I'm not sure where he got his numbers. Baptists are not the church's number one converts. But maybe he meant that of all the churches Baptists leave for, Mormonism is the number one faith...from their angle.

Anyway, he then told me that his main audience, he hopes, are Mormons themselves. He asked me if I watched the video...what I thought of it, and if it was accurate. I told him I had watched some, not all, and my reasoning for that is to understand what people like him actually think I believe. He asked me what I thought was incorrect. While many things were distorted and misrepresented in the video, I took the most issue with the explanation that we feel we work our way to Heaven....downplaying the role of Jesus Christ. So I told him so.

I said, "To say that I believe I can work my way to Heaven...that's just a plain lie, and actually quite insulting. I can do NOTHING without Jesus Christ and I'm sad that you don't understand that. Jesus Christ is the reason for everything. He saved me. I wouldn't be anywhere without His suffering. I do not believe I can work my way to Heaven. And the way I see works, why wouldn't or shouldn't I want to DO good, if I love my Savior?? I want to be like Him, follow His teachings. That's just a lie to downplay how much we rely on the Savior's sacrifice. It's just a lie."

The man could not think. He honestly could not think of a thing to say. He was surprised, overwhelmed and kept stumbling over his words. Not much was said after that. We hugged, went back to our booths...and that was pretty much it.

I'm getting emotional as I type this out, because it was seriously a major faith-building experience for me. What will I say with no name tag? Can I tell when the appropriate time is to say something? How can I express myself passionately, but in a calm and loving manor? I feel good about how it all happened, and I'm thankful for the Spirit.

I know that man is a good man. I could feel it. He's just trying to figure everything out. I doubt he'll ever forget our interaction. I know I won't.

If anyone reads this, who doesn't know what I believe, let me tell you. I know, that without Jesus Christ, I'm a broken person. Christ is who makes me whole. He heals me on a daily basis. I've struggled a lot, with so very many things. But it's my Savior who helps me overcome. I am not working my way to Heaven. If I was, I'd never get there. There's no possible way. I need the Savior. To be honest, I've tried working my way to Heaven...just because, I was a lost individual with a hurting soul. I didn't understand the atonement. I just kept thinking there was no hope, because I could never be perfect. I would never get there. I didn't understand what my Savior could do for me, but I know now. I don't have to do a dang thing for my Savior to love me. He already does...and he already did suffer, die, and rise again...for me. Why do I do? Because I love Him. Because life is about choices. Because I have agency, and I choose to follow Him. Because faith is an action word. Because I want to refine my soul. Because I want to be like Him. Because I want to bring others to Him. Because I love Him. That's why I do.