Hi

Okay. I'm writing another blog post.

I've decided that from this point forward, I will no longer care what people think about me.

This is not to be confused with the notion of giving up good manners...or just being blatantly rude and/or inappropriate. BUT, I'm just so tired of caring/worrying about what people think. I'm just done.

I just...I'm just frustrated. And hurt. And, why do I allow myself to get hurt? Especially by people who always hurt me? I just need to shut it off and not care. I've got to learn how to do that.

Example:

I say to a certain person, "So, I'm going to try out for American Idol!" It's obvious I'm excited about it. She says, "Really? Neat. Is Kevin trying out? Kevin's who really needs to try out. He'd definitely make it. He's just got such a clean, good voice." Okayyyyyy. This same person once heard a duet my brother and I sang together...and upon hearing it she said, "Wow, Kevin's amazing! I mean, you sound nice, Crystal, but Kevin. Wow. He can sing!" Yes, my brother can sing. And he is good. I love Kevin and his voice, and I'm very proud of the kid. I want him to try out for AI, and if he makes it, I will be sooooo happy for and proud of him. But why, WHY does she feel the need to continually knock me down. Why? WHY? I've been hearing variations of this kind of crap my entire life. The same person once said to me, "You're songs...they're cute. Not what you'd probably hear on the radio though." Or something like that. Seriously. What. The. Heck. I responded to that comment with my song "Words On Paper." Which I'd post, but I don't have an easy way of doing so at the moment. But, it's one of my better songs...that a lot of people like. She's never heard it...and probably wouldn't even understand it if she did.

Yeah. Most of my songs aren't sing-songy. Most of them are not about love and gooey-ness. I don't want them to be. Most of my songs take a teeny bit of brain power to understand. That might be too much to ask from some people. There are successful singer/songwriters who write about real stuff...in a deep, thoughtful way...who don't need to have repeated hits on the radio every 5 minutes. They stay true to who they are. Just because YOU don't hear their songs on the stations YOU listen to doesn't mean they don't exist and that they're not successful.

Okay. Anyway. Caring about what people think all the time just gets tiring and draining. Frustrating. Disheartening. Disturbing. Demeaning. And degrading.

I can't worry about it anymore. I may have annoying habits. Sorry. I may be emotional. Sorry. I may not be the person you want me to be. Sorry. I may get overly disappointed at times. Sorry. I may say the wrong thing sometimes. Sorry. I'm just not going to worry anymore. I'm going to be me. Try my best to live a Christlike life and be kind to others. That's all I can do.

Was this post too much out of character? Too negative? Haha...that's me caring about what you think. :) Okay, for reals. I'm done caring.........NOW.