Fifth: My definition of love

I don't know what love is. I keep asking myself that these days. In fact, I was saying that to myself a couple hours ago as I was walking to the refrigerator in our garage, getting milk. I said, out loud to myself, "I don't even know what love is."

The subject of love has been on my mind A LOT this last year. Can you help what you love...who you love...when you love? I've heard several times, "You can't help who you fall in love with." Is that true?

There's this old song I've loved since I was little. I don't know who the singer is, and I don't even know what album it comes from. I learned of the song when I was really little...my mom had a cassette tape she'd play as she exercised, and it was a tape her sister put together, a mix of different LDS/Contemporary Christian singers from different albums. The song, I believe, is called "What Love Was." Maybe it's called "The Last Touch." I don't know. Anyway, here it is.

Their first touch at seventeen was in the park
And the moon was full
She was beautiful to him
And her hair was long and her eyes were blue
And her skin was warm
And she turned to him
And he thought he knew what love was

Another touch at twenty-two on their wedding night
And the stars were bright
She was beautiful to him
And her hair smelled sweet and her lips were full
And her skin was warm
And she turned to him
And he thought he knew what love was

And then again at twenty-five when the baby came
And the sun was high
She was beautiful to him
And her hair was damp and her fingers shook
And her skin was warm
And she turned to him
And he thought he knew what love was

Later on at fifty-four sitting on the porch
All the children gone
She was beautiful to him
And her hair was gray and her forehead lined
And her skin was warm
And she turned to him
And he thought he knew what love was

Their last touch at eighty-five was by her bed
And the moon was full
She was beautiful to him
And her hair was thin and her eyes were closed
And her skin was cold
And she turned to him
And he knew that he knew what love was

After sixty eight years of laughter and tears
He knew that he knew what love was.

It's quite the tender song, actually. So, I suppose this is what love is. It's undefinable, really. We always think we know, but it can always grow stronger and stronger. And it can diminish. It's like the movie "Dan In Real Life" (one of my favorite movies) where the crazy daughter's boyfriend tells Dan, "Love isn't a feeling; it's an ability." I believe, at the beginning, we may not be able to control who or what we love. It's just a feeling we have...we're drawn to someone...and deep feelings come. But we have the ability to nurture it and make it grow, or we have the ability to ignore it and shut it off. Sometimes, it seems impossible to shut it off. If you love someone, you just love them. Maybe, but we can choose to shut it off. It's painful, but it's possible...and sometimes very needed. And, we have the choice to make it grow, to feed the fire and work at the love we've committed to. The deepness of the love...well, it's a choice; it's an ability.

So, that's what I think. But what the heck do I know?