Here are a few thoughts...
Why do people (myself included) enjoy watching scary movies? I'm talking the stupid, pointless, gross kind, where the entire movie consists of someone being chased down and terrorized, and then finally killed at the end? Why? Why did I watch that? It's like, I knew it was stupid, pointless, and filling my mind with worthless images and ideas...and yet, I was drawn to it...couldn't turn away.
I can't handle more than one big decision/process/application at one time. I just can't. Emotionally and mentally. It's like, once I get over one hurdle, I want to relax a bit before jumping the next one. A big hurdle was finding an internship. I found one, but then needed to apply for financial aid. I still haven't jumped that hurdle completely...because things keep going wrong with that stupid process. Because I've had a hard time jumping that hurdle, I never took the time to jump the GRE hurdle. Which means I've missed the deadline to take the last test for this year, and I have to wait until February. Which means I won't start grad school until the Fall...at least. I need to force myself to get enough mental and emotional momentum to continue jumping hurdles without needing a rest.
I can't believe I finally graduate from BYU-I in less than 2 months... If I can come up with enough money to pay for tuition in order to make this internship count. My time at BYU-I has been like my mission...I never thought it would end. Now that it's here...I'm super sad. I loved my time there so much. Especially this last year. GOOD times.
I've gone up and down with my internship...why did I come here, was it the right decision, are the things I'm learning worthwhile for my future...? I've decided to live in the moment. And right now I'm really appreciative of who I work with. I laugh every day, I'm learning lots, and I've made a good new friend. So, all in all, it's a good thing. There's a lot of good to be found.
I've decided that one of my purposes in life is to be a friend to people. I decided this several days ago. Just from the way my life is heading...I really just think that's one of my purposes. It doesn't mean I'm the best at it. I'm not. But I'm becoming better because of the people who allow me to be their friend. :) As I'm typing this I'm thinking of many different individuals...who have all taught me something different. I'm blessed to know the people I know. I'm blessed to have friends and to be a friend.
A quote from the movie "Marvin's Room" has stuck in my mind for years and years. The older sister, Bessie, has taken care of her dying parents for years (or one parent? It's been a while since I've seen it). She finds out she's dying from leukemia, and to her younger sister (whom she has had a strained relationship with up to this point because the younger sister didn't stay to help take care of the parents) Bessie says, "I've been so lucky, I've had so much love in my life." Lee, the younger sister, says, "Yes, they love you very much," referring to their parents. And then Lee says, "No, I'm lucky that I've been able to give so much love." That's always stuck with me...ever since watching it, years ago. I feel the same. I don't always act that way...but I feel that way, and I want to try to show and give my love better.
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2 comments:
You are such a good friend! Congrats on almost graduating!!!
That's such a powerful experience. I had something Like that happen right before my mission, you never forget. I'm glad it was positive and had an impact on you. :)
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