Nobody's blogging

Including me. I don't feel like changing that at the moment. But you all should. I need more reading material.:)

I'm happy! With a little bit of sadness mixed in.

Today I realized, I'm happy. I'm pretty dang happy. For no particular reason. Except, I'm just really happy and content with my life right at the moment.

The Christmas season adds to my happiness. I love listening to sweet melodies of the Savior's life. I love sitting by the tree...looking at the lights and feeling the peace this season brings. The peace the Savior brings all year long.

I recently found out that my job with the government may be ending sooner than anticipated. Apparently, they had less funding for a contract worker than they thought. They really want to keep me, but there's not a lot they can do....except for a few ideas that are in the works. We're trying, but it's not promising.

This job has been so good for me. It's boosted my self-confidence in so many ways. In a way, it reminds me a bit of my mission...in the sense that, I'm dealing with people of all sorts of backgrounds, cultures,and  beliefs. I get to help them progress toward something good.

I've also grown to LOVE my co-workers. I've made some dear friends in just the last 5 weeks. A couple of them, I'm sure, will remain close friends of mine even after I part with the job.

So, this job has added to my happiness. The fact that it's ending causes me some sadness. But things will work out the way they're supposed to.

I sprained my ankle. And it's ugly. Black and blue all over...and still a bit swollen, a week after the fact. I haven't seen a doctor, because several people have told me I don't need to. But everyone at work thinks I should see a doctor. BUT...I can walk on it. Granted, it hurts...but when I wear a brace I'm fine. So, I know I didn't break it. The only thing I don't know is...if there's a small fracture, or if I tore anything that can't grow back. Haha...I don't know what's in an ankle or foot. But anyway...it's bumming me out a bit, because I can't run, and I was supposed to run another 5K at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve along the Waterfront in Portland. Oh well...I guess I'll have to do it next year. The up side of this whole thing is...AT LEAST the sprain happened two days AFTER my first beautiful 5K.

My roommate's mom just passed away from cancer last week. My roommate went home to say goodbye and won't be back for another month. My heart is breaking for her. I know that some of you, the readers of my blog, have experienced the same thing...recently or farther in the past. And my heart breaks for you too. The fact that I live with my roommate has obviously brought it a lot closer to the surface for me...and I've been reliving the feelings of losing a parent...and I've also been aching for my step-siblings who lost their mother at the same stage in life as my roommate is right now. I spent quite a bit of time on Sunday just shedding tear after tear for everyone's loss...because I know the pain. I don't know their own specific pain, but I know a similar pain...

But through all the heart-break I've been feeling on behalf of other people...I've also felt the Savior's love for all those who are feeling in despair. Especially, like I said before, during this Christmas season. I love the Savior so much...for the fact that only HE can truly ease our burdens and comfort our aching hearts. And the fact that he wants to...and does it willingly. I'm comforted in knowing that, while I can't comfort those who are struggling the way I wish I could, I know the Savior can.

So...I'm happy. Definitely happy. With a little sadness mixed in there too. And that's okay...that's life.

Crying at the finish line

So, as many of you know...I ran my first 5K over Thanksgiving weekend.

My very first 5K was a homemade 5K on Thanksgiving morning/noonish. Kayleen and I just programmed 3.1 miles into my phone, and we ran until it told us to stop. Good ole technology.

My second 5K, and first official race, took place last Saturday...the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It was beautiful.

I don't have much to say about it, really. I mean, it was *just* a 5K.

Side note:

When I signed up, the helper guy was like, "Which one are you signing up for?" There were a couple different races taking place over the weekend. I sheepishly said, "Just the 5K." He said, "There's no "JUST" about a 5K. You claim that 5K. Be proud of it. Don't ever put 'just' in front of '5K' again." So I said, "Well, to be honest, I've been working really hard to be able to run this 5K." And he said, "See...and you're going to rock it. Good for you!"

So, back to what I have to actually say about the 5K. I have never considered myself a runner. In fact, I was so far removed from the "runner" status...suggesting I'd ever run a 5K without walking during it was seriously laughable. Like, a year ago, I would have totally laughed at the thought. The thought of running for exercise...or heaven forbid, pleasure...was really quite sickening to me.

But, as y'all know, I've been living a paleo lifestyle since the beginning of August 2011. And this paleo lifestyle has helped me shed some unwanted poundage. It's given me more energy and made me feel better. Also, moving to Washington, D.C....and then to Seattle, WA both forced me to walk a TON. No car = walk everywhere. Even when you ride public transportation, you're still walking lots and lots. And let me tell you, Seattle has HILLS. Many of them. So, the walking has helped me feel better as well...and shed some more unwanted poundage.

So, I've always envied people who enjoy running. I've wished I could be that person who feels free and energized by running. I love the thought of just jogging on beautiful trails and seeing the sights of the world while getting my heart rate up and giving my body its needed exercise. But like I said, I was never that person.

I had heard of the Couch to 5K program a few times before, but I always felt too lazy to try it. The thought of running overwhelmed me. Totally intimidated me...and really, terrified me. But finally, a friend suggested it when I told her I'd always secretly wanted to be a runner, and she said, "Just do the Couch to 5K program. You can do anything for 10 weeks. If you don't like running at the end of 10 weeks...give it up." At this point in my life, I finally felt like my body had the energy and ability to start running.

So I did, slowly...but surly. I didn't give up. I pushed through. I had some stuff come up here and there that would disrupt my schedule...but I forced myself to stick with it and keep going.

And I made it. I made it to my 5K. I really can't put into words the ENORMOUS accomplishment this is for me. There just aren't words for it. I'm not a physical person. I never do physical things. My physical abilities and attributes have always been a big part of my lack of confidence and my self loathing.

And thus...I cried at the finish line of my 5K. Kayleen jogged the whole way with me. She could have finished much faster than I, but she wanted to do it with me. When we got toward the end, she asked if she could sprint ahead so she could take a picture of me crossing the finish line. I liked that idea. So, as I jogged that last little bit alone, I was able to think and ponder on all the hard work that brought me to that moment. The encouragement from friends and family. The sacrifice of my time. The pain at times. And, as I came up to the entrance of the stadium near the Space Needle and heard Kelly Clarkson booming out of the loud speakers "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" and saw all these people cheering everyone on at the end....the tears began to fill my eyes. I'm crying right now just thinking about it. But, I didn't let my crying last long, because I wanted to look somewhat presentable for the pictures at the end. :) Don't you love how vanity gets in the way of beautiful emotion? Ah...to be a girl.

Anywho...it was a beautiful feeling. One I imagine feeling when I get to hug the Savior at the finish line of this life.